**warning: this post is very long, potentially boring, a bit soapboxy, and could possibly be misinterpreted as an anti-marriage post. just know that i'm still a bit feverish and woozy, my life is almost always boring [which makes for boring post subjects], i've been beaten over the head with the marriage talk more times than i care to count, and i think marriage is a wonderful institution that i hope to be enrolled [?] in someday. now. back to our scheduled programming.**
this morning, i woke up at five in the morning and couldn't sleep. i don't remember the last time i woke up in the morning feeling rested, but that's beside the point.
i stayed in bed until about six fifteen trying desperately to fall asleep again because i've been sick and sleep-deprived and my left eye hasn't stopped twitching in a week, but sleep was a lost cause.
i got out of bed, took the hottest shower possible hoping it would clear my sinuses/throat [how did i get this illness? seriously!], but just like the whole sleep thing, i got ready for my interview with the bishop at seven thirty knowing that relief for my sore throat would come to no avail.
my roommate and i both had appointments bright and early in the morning. we decided to leave at seven twenty-five.
seven twenty arrived, i blowdried my bangs, took my scriptures into the living room, and waited for her to be ready.
seven twenty-five came and went with no sign of my awol roommate.
finally, at seven thirty, i quietly knocked on her door, peeked my head in, and noticed she was still sleeping. i woke her up and she frantically ran around getting ready for the interview in five minutes flat.
it was impressive.
after flirting [not done by me--of course. i would never do something so brazen!] making friends with [ahhh... that's more like it] one of the executive secretaries, he let us cut in line so we wouldn't have to wait forever to receive our callings.
i received my calling [i'm on the relief society special meetings committee--whatever that is] after a very awkward handholding incident with the bishop [he's very touchy-feely], and made my way back home, my breath visible in the cool early [for me] morning.
in spite of feeling sick,
i felt good.
i felt satisfied and happy with who i am.
i was on a confidence high and when i walked back into my house, a very talkative roommate and i struck up a conversation. she is almost engaged and asked me if i was dating anyone.
i replied with my usual "no and i'm happy about it because of these five reasons" spiel, when allofasudden the "lydias" started planning all these dates they were going to set me up on with their boyfriends' roommates.
after describing each one of them and making sure to note that they were my age or older, i politely declined.
you see, i am not a fan of being set up.
i'm actually just not a fan of dating in general.
it's awkward, confusing, at times it's disastrous, and i just don't feel comfortable going on a blind date set up by two people i haven't known for very long.
the lydias flipped.
the almost-engaged lydia gave me a lecture about how marriage should be a woman's first priority yada yada yada bada bing bada boom and, needless to say, i tuned out.
i then gave the excuse that it's my last semester and the last thing i want or need is a boy to screw up all my plans [i.e. getting out of rexburg alive asap].
but the lydias were relentless.
all through church they told me about countless men who, according to them, would take one look at me, swoon, and receive confirmation from the spirit that i'm "the one."
inwardly, i grew more and more tired of the whole thing.
outwardly, i laughed, smiled, and kept declining.
after church, i was set apart and returned to the bishop's office [for the third time] for my new member interview.
the lydias accompanied me along with a charlotte-esque breath of fresh air of a roommate.
we trekked to the snow, arrived at the bishop's office locale, and filled out our new member forms.
of course, because this campus is obsessed with marriage, one of the questions was "are you engaged?"
i answered mine with a hearty "no way, jose" and waited in line.
one of the lydias came up to me wanting to compare sheets.
and once she saw my answer to the marital status query, i was bombarded with set-up discussions all over again VERY loudly in front of about a third of my new ward [and a gentleman i think is quite attractive--not that i'll do anything about it because you know i won't]. it sounded a lot like the first minute or so of
this and made me feel like i was stuck in
this horrifying scene.
lecture after lecture was given to me.
the lydias were practically on their knees begging to set me up with someone.
now, i was voted class blusher in the sixth grade, so of course my face turned beet-red, and every single subject change i attempted was met with a smackdown by the lydias.
and then it hit me.
they felt sorry for me.
after all, i am a spinster. and we all know where spinsters end up [fyi: married to mr. collins and spending every waking moment separated from him--what a life].
finally, the ringleader lydia left and all was quiet. i turned to charlotte, commented on how quiet it was now that lydia was gone, and the aforementioned gentleman began questioning/teasing me about my ripe age and my need to get married.
it was absolutely miserable.
humiliating.
and completely
and utterly
pathetic.
now, as i reflect on my day, the feeling i had early this morning... that positive and satisfying feeling that i am one hundred percent happy with who i am
didn't
disappear.
it lingers in my mind still, hours after the fact.
i know i am a person with worth and divine potential.
and i don't need a man to define that for me.
and as for me and marriage, i stand behind the philosophy of miss elizabeth bennet:
I am determined that nothing but the deepest love could ever induce me into matrimony.
and finally, in my opinion, a single woman in possession of no fortune and a college education doesn't need to be in want of a husband.
and that is the end of that.
