today was beautiful, magical, and life-affirming.
there have been a couple days this week where i took a step back, assessed whatever situation i was in and thought to myself, "there is no way i can do this. why on earth am i here?"
but today was not one of those days.
the sun was shining, we got to walk to a nearby park and play like children for a little while, everyone was laughing and smiling and saying sweet things, my coworkers seemed to be in better spirits than usual, i even shed a few tears watching one of our graduating students sing along to sesame street music videos [specifically this one (although he loves this one and this one just as much)].
it was just one of those days.
at one point, i took a step back, looked around me, and felt so much joy and love for all of these special spirits i have the privilege to work with every day. i felt so grateful for every little step along the way that led me to this job.
this job, along with my students and coworkers, has changed my life.
and i don't think i'll ever be able to give back what they have given to me in this short time.
i'm just so happy!
now, if i can just remember this post on the really tough days, i think i'll be okay.
29 March 2012
19 March 2012
part deux: can i get an amen up in here?
in january the relief society presidency was reorganized and i was called to serve as the second counselor. it has been such a wonderful and life-changing experience for me. i've made new friends, learned many new lessons, and grown closer to my Heavenly Father.
but one such experience has truly made a profound impact on my life and how i view myself.
at the beginning of january, the relief society president, with some counsel from us, came up with a theme for our relief society for the semester. that theme is "love Christ, love yourself, and love others." we decided to focus on each part of that theme for our first sunday lessons. the first counselor was given the topic of loving Christ and i just assumed, for some dumb reason, that i would be teaching the "loving others" lesson. it was perfect for me! i love to love others! i would have plenty of experiences from work and ecuador to share! so, i mentally prepared my lesson only to find out that i would be teaching the lesson on loving yourself.
i was crushed.
i had to teach a bunch of girls about something i didn't really know myself.
i felt inadequate.
i felt frustrated.
i felt like calling oprah and convincing her to come teach the lesson for me.
i tried convincing the president and first counselor that the "loving others" lesson should come first, but they basically said to me, in the immortal words of rupaul, "if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" [note: they did not actually quote rupaul, but they had the same idea].
so, onward i went.
when i was a relief society instructor, i would start preparing my lesson the monday before, forget about it until saturday night, and hastily throw something together at the last minute.
this time, i started studying, pondering, and preparing a month in advance.
each day, i read a scripture story or conference talk about my topic.
i started listening to conference talks on my daily commute.
and as i studied and prepared, i noticed a big change in my life.
at work, i was more patient and loving toward my students.
i showed more love to my family and my relief society sisters.
i forgave myself more quickly and didn't dwell on my flaws and weaknesses as much.
i felt so much love in my life.
all in all, i was happier than i had been in months.
finally, The Sunday arrived.
i was a bundle of nerves.
although i had prepared much more than usual, i was so nervous.
i truly wanted my fellow sisters to feel the way i had felt all month.
i wanted to encourage and lift them up.
i wanted them to know just how much they are loved--not just by their family and friends, but by a loving Heavenly Father.
i wanted them to know exactly who they are.
as i shared my message with my beautiful sisters, i grew so emotional.
being a woman is difficult.
it's painful at times and i feel that we often forget who we truly are and how valued and cherished we are.
even though i still have a long ways to go on this journey, i recalled as i taught the many nights i had cried and pleaded with the Lord to help me through my confidence issues and trials i had been facing.
at those times, i felt hopeless.
i didn't think there was anyone who really understood exactly how i felt.
but i have learned, especially after preparing this lesson, that there is always hope.
there is someone who has experienced firsthand what we are going through and experienced that pain so that He would know how to comfort and help us in our time of need.
guys, we are loved.
Jesus Christ knows us. He knows our names, our trials, our pains. He rejoices in our successes. He knows exactly to help us and He will if we call upon Him.
i am so grateful for this experience. i don't think i'll ever look at myself the same way. i can honestly say right now that i know exactly who i am and love myself, warts and all.
if you're struggling, please read the following:
-Moses 1
-"Forget Me Not," President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
-"You Matter to Him," President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
-"Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done," Elder Robert D. Hales
-"It Is Better to Look Up," Elder Carl B. Cook
i can promise you right now that these words will lift you up out of the darkness and into the warmth and light of the Savior's love.
i know they will because that is exactly what they did for me.
but one such experience has truly made a profound impact on my life and how i view myself.
at the beginning of january, the relief society president, with some counsel from us, came up with a theme for our relief society for the semester. that theme is "love Christ, love yourself, and love others." we decided to focus on each part of that theme for our first sunday lessons. the first counselor was given the topic of loving Christ and i just assumed, for some dumb reason, that i would be teaching the "loving others" lesson. it was perfect for me! i love to love others! i would have plenty of experiences from work and ecuador to share! so, i mentally prepared my lesson only to find out that i would be teaching the lesson on loving yourself.
i was crushed.
i had to teach a bunch of girls about something i didn't really know myself.
i felt inadequate.
i felt frustrated.
i felt like calling oprah and convincing her to come teach the lesson for me.
i tried convincing the president and first counselor that the "loving others" lesson should come first, but they basically said to me, in the immortal words of rupaul, "if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" [note: they did not actually quote rupaul, but they had the same idea].
so, onward i went.
when i was a relief society instructor, i would start preparing my lesson the monday before, forget about it until saturday night, and hastily throw something together at the last minute.
this time, i started studying, pondering, and preparing a month in advance.
each day, i read a scripture story or conference talk about my topic.
i started listening to conference talks on my daily commute.
and as i studied and prepared, i noticed a big change in my life.
at work, i was more patient and loving toward my students.
i showed more love to my family and my relief society sisters.
i forgave myself more quickly and didn't dwell on my flaws and weaknesses as much.
i felt so much love in my life.
all in all, i was happier than i had been in months.
finally, The Sunday arrived.
i was a bundle of nerves.
although i had prepared much more than usual, i was so nervous.
i truly wanted my fellow sisters to feel the way i had felt all month.
i wanted to encourage and lift them up.
i wanted them to know just how much they are loved--not just by their family and friends, but by a loving Heavenly Father.
i wanted them to know exactly who they are.
as i shared my message with my beautiful sisters, i grew so emotional.
being a woman is difficult.
it's painful at times and i feel that we often forget who we truly are and how valued and cherished we are.
even though i still have a long ways to go on this journey, i recalled as i taught the many nights i had cried and pleaded with the Lord to help me through my confidence issues and trials i had been facing.
at those times, i felt hopeless.
i didn't think there was anyone who really understood exactly how i felt.
but i have learned, especially after preparing this lesson, that there is always hope.
there is someone who has experienced firsthand what we are going through and experienced that pain so that He would know how to comfort and help us in our time of need.
guys, we are loved.
Jesus Christ knows us. He knows our names, our trials, our pains. He rejoices in our successes. He knows exactly to help us and He will if we call upon Him.
i am so grateful for this experience. i don't think i'll ever look at myself the same way. i can honestly say right now that i know exactly who i am and love myself, warts and all.
if you're struggling, please read the following:
-Moses 1
-"Forget Me Not," President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
-"You Matter to Him," President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
-"Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done," Elder Robert D. Hales
-"It Is Better to Look Up," Elder Carl B. Cook
i can promise you right now that these words will lift you up out of the darkness and into the warmth and light of the Savior's love.
i know they will because that is exactly what they did for me.
part une
i really miss writing but i never feel like i have anything to write about.
i think i complained about this last time or the time before that.
oh well.
want to hear some jumbled thoughts/experiences i've had lately and then read a second post about a completely different topic?
okay?
okay!
-i think i've mentioned a student i have dubbed "the door guy" for confidentiality purposes before, but just in case i haven't, this particular student is one of my faves. he is so sweet and childlike and smart. every day he comes up to me and tells me a song title or partial song lyric to which i reply, "oh, man! i love that song!" and we talk about how nice the song is [whether i like it or not].
examples:
1. "you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful it's true."
2. "have you ever really loved a woman."
3. "how much is the doggie in the window."
4. "bang, bang, bang on the door, baby."
5. "everything i do, i do it for you."
and my personal favorite,
6. "man, i feel like a woman."
number six was the most recent occurrence and the absolute funniest. i think he really knows that it makes me happy when he communicates in song titles because he always seems to do it when i'm stressed or frustrated.
i just love my job so much.
have i said that recently?
-i met with my bishop yesterday evening to talk about something and somehow the topic of marriage came up [of course]. he ended up giving me some very good advice and told me that i need to "get off the shelf" and just go after what i want. he also told me that it would be advisable for me to be a little more outgoing and actually talk to guys i find attractive because most of the time they're too scared to talk to girls. it was a very good conversation and one that i think i really needed.
it just so happened that my friend lauren was having a waffle party at her house that night, but asked me to arrive early and set things up for her because she had to pick her sister up from the airport and didn't think she'd make it back in time.
i was super nervous to be the stand-in host because i didn't really know who would be there, but i went anyway [with the encouragement of my parents]. as i was setting things up, the doorbell rang. i gave myself a mental pep talk as i walked to the door and tried to shake my nerves off.
and when i opened the door, there were five guys from our singles ward standing on the doorstep.
i think Heavenly Father's trying to tell me something.
either that or He has a wonderful sense of humor.
-this song has been on repeat lately.
i love this version of this beautiful hymn.
i think my favorite lines are in the first verse:
"unknown waves before me roll,
hiding rock and treach'rous shoal.
chart and compass came from Thee;
Jesus, Savior, pilot me."
such a beautiful message.
the music of the lower lights has really made me think more about the hymns and how they are a form of prayer and worship. "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me" is a humble, pleading hymn. when we sing it, we are basically telling the Lord that we will go where He wants us. there is a true relationship of trust spoken of in this hymn and i just love it.
-i will be 25 in a mere two weeks.
CRAZY.
i remember when that seemed so old.
-disneyland is happening next month! and i really couldn't be more excited about that! SO psyched!
i think i complained about this last time or the time before that.
oh well.
want to hear some jumbled thoughts/experiences i've had lately and then read a second post about a completely different topic?
okay?
okay!
-i think i've mentioned a student i have dubbed "the door guy" for confidentiality purposes before, but just in case i haven't, this particular student is one of my faves. he is so sweet and childlike and smart. every day he comes up to me and tells me a song title or partial song lyric to which i reply, "oh, man! i love that song!" and we talk about how nice the song is [whether i like it or not].
examples:
1. "you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful it's true."
2. "have you ever really loved a woman."
3. "how much is the doggie in the window."
4. "bang, bang, bang on the door, baby."
5. "everything i do, i do it for you."
and my personal favorite,
6. "man, i feel like a woman."
number six was the most recent occurrence and the absolute funniest. i think he really knows that it makes me happy when he communicates in song titles because he always seems to do it when i'm stressed or frustrated.
i just love my job so much.
have i said that recently?
-i met with my bishop yesterday evening to talk about something and somehow the topic of marriage came up [of course]. he ended up giving me some very good advice and told me that i need to "get off the shelf" and just go after what i want. he also told me that it would be advisable for me to be a little more outgoing and actually talk to guys i find attractive because most of the time they're too scared to talk to girls. it was a very good conversation and one that i think i really needed.
it just so happened that my friend lauren was having a waffle party at her house that night, but asked me to arrive early and set things up for her because she had to pick her sister up from the airport and didn't think she'd make it back in time.
i was super nervous to be the stand-in host because i didn't really know who would be there, but i went anyway [with the encouragement of my parents]. as i was setting things up, the doorbell rang. i gave myself a mental pep talk as i walked to the door and tried to shake my nerves off.
and when i opened the door, there were five guys from our singles ward standing on the doorstep.
i think Heavenly Father's trying to tell me something.
either that or He has a wonderful sense of humor.
-this song has been on repeat lately.
i love this version of this beautiful hymn.
i think my favorite lines are in the first verse:
"unknown waves before me roll,
hiding rock and treach'rous shoal.
chart and compass came from Thee;
Jesus, Savior, pilot me."
such a beautiful message.
the music of the lower lights has really made me think more about the hymns and how they are a form of prayer and worship. "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me" is a humble, pleading hymn. when we sing it, we are basically telling the Lord that we will go where He wants us. there is a true relationship of trust spoken of in this hymn and i just love it.
-i will be 25 in a mere two weeks.
CRAZY.
i remember when that seemed so old.
-disneyland is happening next month! and i really couldn't be more excited about that! SO psyched!
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