part deux: can i get an amen up in here?

in january the relief society presidency was reorganized and i was called to serve as the second counselor. it has been such a wonderful and life-changing experience for me. i've made new friends, learned many new lessons, and grown closer to my Heavenly Father.
but one such experience has truly made a profound impact on my life and how i view myself.

at the beginning of january, the relief society president, with some counsel from us, came up with a theme for our relief society for the semester. that theme is "love Christ, love yourself, and love others." we decided to focus on each part of that theme for our first sunday lessons. the first counselor was given the topic of loving Christ and i just assumed, for some dumb reason, that i would be teaching the "loving others" lesson. it was perfect for me! i love to love others! i would have plenty of experiences from work and ecuador to share! so, i mentally prepared my lesson only to find out that i would be teaching the lesson on loving yourself.

i was crushed.
i had to teach a bunch of girls about something i didn't really know myself.
i felt inadequate.
i felt frustrated.
i felt like calling oprah and convincing her to come teach the lesson for me.

i tried convincing the president and first counselor that the "loving others" lesson should come first, but they basically said to me, in the immortal words of rupaul, "if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" [note: they did not actually quote rupaul, but they had the same idea].

so, onward i went.

when i was a relief society instructor, i would start preparing my lesson the monday before, forget about it until saturday night, and hastily throw something together at the last minute.

this time, i started studying, pondering, and preparing a month in advance.
each day, i read a scripture story or conference talk about my topic.
i started listening to conference talks on my daily commute.
and as i studied and prepared, i noticed a big change in my life.

at work, i was more patient and loving toward my students.
i showed more love to my family and my relief society sisters.
i forgave myself more quickly and didn't dwell on my flaws and weaknesses as much.
i felt so much love in my life.
all in all, i was happier than i had been in months.

finally, The Sunday arrived.
i was a bundle of nerves.
although i had prepared much more than usual, i was so nervous.
i truly wanted my fellow sisters to feel the way i had felt all month.
i wanted to encourage and lift them up.

i wanted them to know just how much they are loved--not just by their family and friends, but by a loving Heavenly Father.

i wanted them to know exactly who they are.


as i shared my message with my beautiful sisters, i grew so emotional.
being a woman is difficult.
it's painful at times and i feel that we often forget who we truly are and how valued and cherished we are.
even though i still have a long ways to go on this journey, i recalled as i taught the many nights i had cried and pleaded with the Lord to help me through my confidence issues and trials i had been facing.
at those times, i felt hopeless.
i didn't think there was anyone who really understood exactly how i felt.

but i have learned, especially after preparing this lesson, that there is always hope.
there is someone who has experienced firsthand what we are going through and experienced that pain so that He would know how to comfort and help us in our time of need.


guys, we are loved.


Jesus Christ knows us. He knows our names, our trials, our pains. He rejoices in our successes. He knows exactly to help us and He will if we call upon Him.

i am so grateful for this experience. i don't think i'll ever look at myself the same way. i can honestly say right now that i know exactly who i am and love myself, warts and all.


if you're struggling, please read the following:
-Moses 1
-"Forget Me Not," President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
-"You Matter to Him," President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
-"Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done," Elder Robert D. Hales
-"It Is Better to Look Up," Elder Carl B. Cook

i can promise you right now that these words will lift you up out of the darkness and into the warmth and light of the Savior's love.
i know they will because that is exactly what they did for me.