heaven is in san diego.

i'm in the great state of california and i love it and never want to leave.

i love the colors,

i love the ocean,

i love the mild weather,

i love my brother and his beautiful family,

and i love staying on a military base in an awesome room with a balcony on which i can enjoy my breakfast [see above photo].

i've only been here for a day and a half, but i can tell you right now that it'll be hard to leave.

the longer i'm out of utah, the harder it is to go back.

maybe i should just get my teaching certificate in california instead...

addendum-dum

i re-read the post i wrote yesterday and felt the need to clarify some things.

so, here they are in list-form:

1. i apologize for sounding bitter and mean. i understand the author of that post had a reason to write it and that he was just trying to help in any way he could. his advice was well-meaning. however, i still disagree with the main idea of that post and will never ever apologize for having an opinion and expressing it on my own blog.

2. in writing that post, i neglected to clearly address the issue at hand: physical attractiveness. 

it was probably hard to tell because of the tone of that last post, or maybe i didn't even say it at all because i was blinded by frustration, but here is what i think.

physical attraction is important in a relationship!

you absolutely have to be attracted to the person you are dating/married to! 

but, in my opinion, it isn't, and shouldn't be, the most important thing that motivates you to ask another person out on a date. i can't even count how many times i've had a crush on a guy who i thought was attractive only to find out later that he was not the type of person i wanted to date. 

and isn't that what dating is all about? it's about getting to know all kinds of people so you can eventually find that one person who is perfectly suited to you and your personality.

3. going back to the first item on the list, the person who wrote the post that inspired mine is not a vindictive or mean person. as i said earlier, he wrote it in order to help others. it's the thought that counts, right? however, what i disagreed with was how it was expressed. a woman should not have to be told by a man to change her appearance so that she can get asked out more. that is wrong and i stand by that opinion.

i understand that he was meaning to say that taking care of your body, regardless of your size, is really important, but putting emphasis on that instead of losing those pesky fifteen pounds would've been a little more acceptable. 

also, i've often heard men say that confidence is key and that if a woman has confidence in herself people will take notice of her, regardless of what size she is or whether or not she works out. i've known plenty of women like that who date often. if a woman truly believes she's beautiful, others will see the beauty in her, too.

4. one commenter noted that men are visual creatures. while that seems to be true, does that mean that that particular idea should just be accepted and adopted into our culture? i don't think so. it sounds like a cop-out to me. with some relationships, it starts out as a platonic friendship and evolves into attraction. and those types of relationships are the best kind to have! it's not impossible to think someone is unattractive and then change your mind about it later. in fact, i've seen it happen, i've experienced it in my own life, and i've heard many stories about it happening. so, guys, don't limit yourselves to only asking out girls who are just super attractive. why not ask out a friend or classmate who has similar interests to yours? if you are only asking out the same girl but in different forms, you're limiting yourself. dating is like shopping for jeans. you keep trying different pairs on until you find one that fits. and sometimes, the pair that fits and looks best on you is oftentimes the pair that you might not have liked on the hanger.

5. if i want to change my appearance, i will do it for myself and my health and never for extra male attention. i've been working out a lot more and trying to lose weight this year, but not because i want a husband or dates. i'm doing it for myself. in fact, i don't want to be That Girl that all the guys ask out. as amy says in little women, "you don't need scores of suitors! you just need one, if he's the right one." i honestly believe and know that the right man for me will be attracted to me physically regardless of how much i weigh. i know that because i would never date someone myself who was dumb enough to care about that. i am hard enough on myself and i don't want any guy telling me i need to change my physical appearance because no guy will be attracted to me if i don't. that is completely ridiculous. if a man can't see that i am more than a number on a scale, or look past my physical imperfections, then i don't want to have anything to do with him in the first place.

and, finally:

6. i'm truly sorry for offending, angering, or hurting anyone who read my last post. it was written on a whim and in anger and it was wrong for me to write something so scathing. 

THE END.

FOREVER.

there are twenty-three synonyms for the word "idiot" in the thesaurus. i used eight of them.

today was a particularly awful day.
work was, to put it nicely, difficult and stressful.


when i got home, i checked my facebook and saw that an acquaintance of mine had posted an article [that he presumably wrote] called "How to Get an LDS Guy Part I."
i clicked on it to learn from this cretin's sage advice and was completely and predictably horrified by what i found and all hopes for having a better post-work day went out the window.


i mean, it's bad enough that he wrote that post in the first place. but this fool went a step further and posted it on facebook for all of his 300+ friends to see! and he did this to HELP the women he is friends with! 


apparently, according to this ignoramus and who knows how many other blockheads out there, the first and most important way to snag a husband is to lose weight.
this is what the dumdum says in his own words, "When it comes to attracting LDS guys, there are many other topics I would rather write about besides good looks. But…the truth of the matter compels me to address it. For many LDS girls simply improving their figure would do more to improve their dating life than anything else I could tell you."


that's right, ladies!

if you're frustrated with your lack of a dating life, blame the number on the scale!

just drop fifty pounds and you'll be a dating machine!

i can't believe that i've been so wrong all these years!

the only reason why i don't date much is because of my weight!

apparently it is not necessary to be an interesting or intelligent person because looks are the only thing that matters when it comes to dating and relationships!

thank you, jerkface, for alerting my mind to this issue!

all sarcasm aside, reading that post not only angered me to a level that hasn't been unearthed since my days of scroll-bashing at byu-idaho, it truly discouraged me.

it's confession time.

i am twenty-five, single, and content with my life [for the most part].

but lately i've really been feeling like something or someone was missing from my life.

as a result of that, i've actually been doing social things with my ward and doing things i normally wouldn't do to increase my chances of finding that person. 

it's been really, really difficult so far because i'm not one of those girls who knows how to flirt or be cute on command!

in fact, talking to a boy i have a crush on is panic attack-inducing! i feel like i'm sixteen all over again!

being a member of this church can be difficult when it comes to marital status because that status turns into a defining characteristic.

it doesn't matter if you're a singer, painter, teacher, or plumber. you're either single or married.

so much emphasis is placed on marriage [at least in my stake] and i know that a temple marriage is very, very important, but hearing about it constantly and how wonderful it can be makes it more difficult to be single.

instead of a stage of life, it turns into a disease that needs a cure.

and no matter how often we are encouraged to date, nothing. ever. changes.

boys will still use girls and be noncommital!

girls will still play games!

girls will still have to do most of the work and instigate things!

and boys will still have a difficult time even asking a girl out.

there are so many insecurities you feel during this time, especially as a woman [hmm... i wonder where we get those insecurities from?].

so many feelings of inadequacy, unattractiveness, and awkwardness.

but those feelings don't magically disappear when you find The One.

if you're going to the gym every day because you want a hot body and five dates every weekend, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.

shouldn't we be improving ourselves for our own benefit?

if we rely on other people to tell us we are beautiful, we never truly learn it for ourselves.

we will never love ourselves or think we are valuable or beautiful.

to conclude, reading those words just didn't help at all.

in fact, they hurt.

putting the blame on a woman's lack of a dating life is completely and utterly ridiculous and should never have been done in the first place.

i realize that we, as women, are not perfect and make mistakes, but our outer appearance should never be considered a factor in that.

and, honestly, if what this dimwit says is true and the only thing standing between me and a temple marriage is my weight...

then maybe i don't want to get married that badly.

so, here's my advice to the lunkhead who decided writing a dumb post was such a great idea:

how do you get an lds girl [or any girl, for that matter] to like you?

don't write a post like this.

i'm really sad picnik is going under.

well, it's official.

i had a birthday! shout hooray!

i am...

1. a true menace to society [thanks, brigham young!]

2. a quarter of a century young

3. in my mid-twenties

i remember thinking twenty-five was SO OLD when i was a wee freshman in college all those years ago.

my bestie [holla, alyx!] and i were talking about this when she called me a couple weeks ago and we just couldn't get over how weird it felt to officially be in our mid-twenties.

it's crazy!

but even though it's all twilight zone up in here, i can't help feeling that this is my year.

i don't know why, but i've got a really good feeling about my twenty-fifth year.

wonderful things might potentially happen sometime in the future!

in the meantime, let's speculate.

what do you think will happen in this, the twenty-fifth year of my life?

what are some cool things i should do to celebrate this wondrous stage of life i'm in?