adios, 2010!

only sixty-four minutes left of 2010!

i have to say, i'm not too sad to see it go.

although i've met some incredible people,

made some pretty pivotal decisions,

and received much-needed guidance for life,

it's also been a year full of frustration and heartbreak and hard times.

i'm so grateful for my beautiful family and supportive friends for sticking with me through it all. you all have been such a huge blessing in my life.

i hope you all know that.

i have a good feeling about 2011.

it'll bring the end of my college career,

the end of life in rexburg,

and the beginning of new post-grad life.

i can't wait to see what else is in store for me this year!

thanks for sticking with me for another year, mi gente!

and

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

counting down the minutes

it's 2:16am.

i'm still cleaning for white glove.

and i'm running on four hours of sleep.

BUT...

tomorrow i will be home!

and tomorrow is the byu-idaho center [borrrrrrinnnnggggg naaaaaammmee] dedication [exciting event]!

and very soon i will be reunited with my amazing family.

HOORAY!

I'M A SURVIVOR! I'M NOT GONNA GIVE UP! I'M NOT GONNA STOP! I'M GONNA WORK HARDER!

all day today i felt this great absence of motivation.

this is a terrible thing for me because the worst of finals week isn't over yet.

but the thing that kicked me in the pants and got me back into the mindset of papers and presentations and tests was not the power nap i took this afternoon, the frozen yogurt i ate for dinner, or the hilarious moment in the library that had me and lyssa laughing until our sides ached.

the motivation kicker for me was this song. i know it's a little cheesy, but it's the only thing holding me together right now. well, that and the fact that i will be sleeping in my own room in my own big bed in only a few days.

but for reals, you guys.

this song will be my theme song for the next year.

i should embroider the lyrics on a pillow or something.

beauty.

vacation mode.

finals are next week.

yet i just can't seem to bring myself to finish my research paper,

or study for my tests,

or work on anything that i really need to finish.

instead, i find myself sitting on my bed,

stomach rumbling,

with

absolutely

zero

motivation.

can it just be next saturday already?

double dream hands!

if you're feeling remotely like me today, you probably need a little pick-me-up.

what with the stress of finals and packing up all my belongings, i'm feeling a little crazy [much like the lady pictured above].

so, without further ado... here is an Official Grade-A Pick-Me-Up:

ps

CHECK OUT MY NEW WATCH!

my roommate got it in her happy meal and graciously gave it to me after my other roommate told her i had been coveting it.

win-win-win!

i was his kryptonite.

sometimes...

...i accidentally buy waterproof mascara and have to remove it later that night with a vegetable oil-soaked cotton ball.

...i keep a kleenex in the sleeve of my cardigan like my old high school choir director.

...i feel like going to bed at 7:44pm.

...i have weirddddd dreams that thoroughly freak me out the next morning [this one involved a polygamist, a divorce filing, and a superhero who couldn't look at me or else he would die].

...testimony meeting has a theme of "let's all tell mission stories!' [or, as i like to call it, "maybe if i tell a story about how awesome i was as a missionary, that cute girl will be impressed!"].

...i mess up whilst playing piano for sacrament meeting and don't care at all [although most of the time i do care].

...i'm thankful for waterproof mascara when i've had a weekend like this one.

an open letter

dear friends and family:

if i have snapped at you or gotten frustrated with you, please know that it is not personal.

all i want right now is to be in utah to see my amazing nephew get baptized and go to my awesome niece's dance recital.

and i'm sorry for talking about missing those things excessively.

it's hard being far away from them and missing those events is killing me [literally].

please know that i love you all and will hopefully get over this huge disappointment very soon.

sincerely,

kellie

CUTE OVERLOAD.

"dance, you slaves! DANCE FOR OUR AMUSEMENT!"

i've been loving these shows lately.

i grew up watching laverne and shirley.

over thanksgiving break i watched an episode with my sister and remembered how amazing it is!

the pace of the show is totally insane but that's what makes it great.

i love laverne and shirley's friendship and think their lives look so fun!

also, i think i need a lenny and a squiggy in my life.

here's a clip from the episode we watched last night.

the really good stuff starts at 4:47.

batman is a show i never thought i would watch.

but it's so bad it's awesome.

last night we watched an episode with a fat, white, old "king tut" [shown below].

so amazing.

this is probably the best minute you'll spend today.

watch the glory!

thank goodness for the hub.

ps:

two last things:

1. i don't know why the format is so messed up on my previous post.

sometimes blogger is very very stupid.

2. i feel kind of funny requesting this, but i could really use some extra prayers this week. it's going to be a physically/mentally/emotionally challenging week and i have a feeling that i might completely break down.

so, if you feel so inclined, please pray for me to be happy and positive and productive this week.

i need a[nother] vacation.

well, it's finals and i'm sick.

this is the worst possible timing because i have my first of four presentations [for one class, mind you] tomorrow.

and my group and i have yet to come up with a concrete plan or outline for it.

needless to say, i'm freaking out a little.

but since i've been working on my "part" of the presentation all day long, i decided that i need a break.

here is what's on my mind/in my ears:

1.

this song came on my ipod while i was walking to class yesterday morning as a light snow was falling.

and it was a perfect moment.

2.

.

"i'll do it... but i'm going to be grumpy... until the end of this sentence!"

i need to be more like kenneth parcell.

3.

BUY THIS ALBUM.

[i'm having fun now // jenny & johnny]

4. i can no longer go to my nephew's baptism or my niece's dance recital this weekend.

i am one hundred percent heartbroken about it.

but i'm sick and next week will be even busier than this week and every extra minute i have to do homework helps.

i've been crying all afternoon. in fact, just writing about it makes me cry.

i feel like i miss everything when i'm up here in rexburg [which makes me hate this place even more].

5.

on repeat.

i'm tearing up as i write this.

thanksgiving break has come and gone.

and it's been incredible

even though i had to do lots of homework

and my family was sick.

i'm so so grateful for my family.

i really needed this time away from rexburg.

some highlights:

1. my five year-old nephew expressing gratitude for turkey legs.

2. dancing like a maniac in the middle of the road to make my niece and nephews smile so my sister could take fotos of them for their christmas card.

3. harry potter seven part one!

4. seeing my newest, darling niece, ingrid, twice! [comma explosion!]

5. getting the giggles while playing singstar with kari.

6. helping my mama make an apple pie.

7. visiting the orem library.

8. coming up with a post-grad plan. [grad school?/!]

9. eating delicious, delicious food.

10. seeing hannah grace!

it was a lovely break.

thank you, family, for making it so wonderful!

home = heaven

some people say that home is where you hang your hat.

i beg to differ.

i hang my proverbial hat in rexburg the majority of the time, but rexburg is not my home.

for me, home is where my beautiful family is.

the moment i walked in the door, i felt peace and love and happiness.

i wish i could stay forever.

but, alas, finals are in a few weeks and i still have two more semesters in idaho.

i'll worry about that a week from now.

but right now, i'm going to enjoy eating this delicious cake that just came out of the oven.

[recipe found here]

god natt!

i am writing this in my mesoamerican art history class.

GUESS WHAT.

i'm coming home today!

i am beyond excited for some much-needed quality time with my family.

HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!

inspiration

in my history of design and illustration class on monday we learned about charles and ray eames.

they are a husband and wife duo who were very influential in the world of american modernist design,

and they just happen to be the cutest couple ever.

as we looked at their work, it really spoke to me. i loved everything i saw!

this is their home. BEAUTIFUL.

and here are some beautiful designs.

amazing, right?

i know it's not thanksgiving yet, but...

today i am grateful for:

new life

my new niece, ingrid

thanksgiving break

assignments that are due later than i thought

class at 1:15pm

arcade fire

no snow

a clean room

and

my beautiful family.

ADRENALINE.

tomorrow i have to pray/give a spiritual thought in my spanish class.

i am TERRIFIED.

it's been a long, long time since i've prayed in spanish and i don't remember how to do it and all my spanish-speaking friends are busy so i'm freaking out just a little bit.

i also have a pretty big art history test tomorrow which isn't helping my nerves at all.

can it please be thursday?

love love love!

i've been watching these videos for the past half hour and i cannot accurately describe in words how much i love them.

incredible!

holy cow.

[this gem was captured back in august]

today is my amazing nephew's EIGHTH BIRTHDAY.

i have no idea where the time went.

it seems like just yesterday i was being woken up really early in the morning by my dad telling me that i had a new nephew.

i remember carrying around pictures of him that my mom emailed me and showing them to all my friends.

i remember carrying him around target once when he was a chunky baby.

and now he's all grown up and getting baptized soon!

he is such a special boy and i love him so much!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, D!

words to live by.

"A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was."

--yoda--

i was watching the empire strikes back earlier tonight and these words hit me.

i mean, no one wants to end up like darth vader.

if you're constantly looking to the future, you won't appreciate the place you're in today.

i feel like i talk about this a lot, and for that i apologize, but i just feel this great need to keep my mind on where i am right now.

and it helps to be reminded of that goal often.

especially whilst watching star wars.

that yoda really knows what he's talking about.

snowflakes!

IT'S SNOWING IN MY LIVING ROOM!

i am the teensiest bit obsessed with making snowflakes this year.

last night, my roommate and i spent about an hour procrastinating homework and making beautiful snowflakes and hanging them on our ceiling as part of our festive holiday decor.

this is one of my favorites. it's made out of an old scroll issue.

it's the best way to use the scroll, in my opinion, because it's not worth reading.

i guess toilet paper would be a good option, as well...

we haven't finished everything yet, so this is more of a sneak peek,

but i just couldn't wait to show you these beauties!

how are you decorating your place for the holidays?

sunny disposition

this morning was gray, snowy, and freezing.

i was tempted to stay in bed until the last possible second,

but i decided to clean the kitchen instead.

and mop the floors.

and make my bed.

and clean and vacuum my room.

it's amazing how cleanliness and happy songs can change one's mood almost instantaneously.

if you're having a grumpy/cold/snowy/difficult/frustrating day, feel free to listen to the playlist posted below.

i promise it will make your day infinitely better!

a few favorites :: christmas music

i absolutely adore christmas music.

i usually can't start listening to it until after the first snow,

and since it started snowing today [!!],

my yuletide tunes have been joyfully ringing in my ears all day!

here are some favorite christmas albums of mine:

1.

jackson 5 christmas album

2.

a charlie brown christmas // vince guaraldi trio

3.

songs for christmas // sufjan stevens

4.

ella wishes ou a swinging christmas // ella fitzgerald

5.

a christmas album // bright eyes

6.

merry christmas from the beach boys

7.

christmas with the rat pack

what christmas albums do you like to listen to?

and so it begins.

it has been snowing

ALL

DAY

LONG.

when i woke up to those white flakes drifting from the sky, i was automatically angry and annoyed and grumpy and wanting to stay in bed all day.

but then i took some time to reacquaint myself with it,

and i saw the beauty in the cleanliness

and simplicity

and peacefulness of it all.

i switched out memories of

mascara streaming down my face as a result of the bulletlike snow pelting my eyes on my way to class,

cold toes,

ruined coiffures,

and slipping and falling all over the place

with thoughts of

sledding on the uvu campus,

making gigantic snowmen,

decorating the tree,

and watching white christmas whilst drinking hot cocoa.

so, with my new positive outlook in place

i slapped a smile on my face,

started decorating the living room [fotos will be posted at a later date],

and started listening to some christmas music.

and now, i am legitimately content.

BABIES!

in honor of my as yet unborn niece ingrid's due date today [note: due date, not arrival], i watched this beautiful film about the first year of a baby's life in four different areas of the world.

it was adorable and touching and giggle-inducing and i LOVED EVERY SECOND [the mongolian baby was my absolute favorite! those cheeks!!].

if you know me at all, you know that i've been pretty baby-crazy since i got back from ecuador. prior to watching this, i was afraid that it would make my baby insanity worse, but it didn't!

if you are:

a. a mother

b. a future mother

c. a daughter

d. baby-crazy [like me]

e. a father

f. a future father

then you need to watch this.

here's a little taste:

my thanksgiving wish list.

it's been a rough week.

thank goodness thanksgiving break is in a couple short weeks!

in anticipation of this much-needed vacation, i have compiled a list of things i would like to do while i am home.

1. see harry potter and the deathly hallows part one

2. eat delicious food

3. see the lights at temple square

4. play singstar and ddr with kari

5. [hopefully] see my new niece, ingrid [!!!!!!]

6. eat cold apple pie for breakfast the day after thanksgiving

7. relax

8. get lots of hugs from my mom and dad

9. help my mom cook thanksgiving dinner

10. learn how to make the best apple pie ever

that is all i ask.

i can't wait to come home!!

.ereh ti etah i

right now i'm feeling completely and utterly hopeless.

i feel like i'll never get out of this place.

i have to take these two "foundations" classes [loooooong story] and i can't even sign up for one of them for next semester because i need to take a pre-requisite english class. at this rate, i won't get out of here next spring like i had originally planned.

i'm not excited about any of my classes next semester. none of them interest or excite me but because i go to this stupid school, my options are very limited.

i seriously don't know how much of this i can handle.

i feel like byu-idaho is darth vader and i'm someone he strangles with the force.

i feel suffocated and frustrated and fed up with everything and everyone here.

thanksgiving needs to come sooner.

i just saw inception for the very first time.

mind = blown.

cinematic perfection.

that's all i have to say about that.

a simple question.

who in their right mind would change their clothing in the bathroom [not a stall, mind you, the main part of the bathroom] of a building on campus?

i pose this question because i just walked into the bathroom and there was a girl just standing there in her underwear.

WHY?!

people here are so weird.

just two final thoughts for the day.

1. i have never been so inspired to pick up a guitar/ukulele/piano [it's impossibly to pick up a piano alone] and practice until my fingers bleed.

with every show i attend, there comes with it a feeling of inadequacy and desire and wishfulness [i'm the queen of wishful thinking (a la go west)] to be those people on the stage, singing their emotions and sharing the contents of their minds and hearts with all who listen.

but there's always that side of me that tells myself i'm not good enough and never will be.

how do you tell a part of you to shut up?

how does one get over these feelings of inadequacy?

2.

this video is pretty awesome. i love alone time so much, but my alone time occurs in my room and not outside of my apartment.

i feel this need to feel comfortable being alone [sans ipod/cell phone] so this was a very educational video for me to watch.

it also helps that it's beautifully done.

the sky is on fire.

1. registration on the byu-idaho website is impossible. and frustrating. especially when you want to get out of here ASAP and all the classes you need to take in order to accomplish this are offered at the same times.

.ereh ti etah i

2. i have the solution for insomnia: jonsi and alex + sleepytime tea.

.gnihtoos os

3. my graphic design teacher made the funniest accidental pun today. we were talking about the bauhaus and how it believed that all art had the same foundation and he said "they believed that all art was De Stijl'd into... wait a second... i mean, distilled!" the whole class started laughing so hard and it took a little bit to get everyone back on track.

.sdren era ew

4. the sunsets in rexburg have been gorgeous lately. i'll look out the window and everything will look rosy and pink. the next time i look out, the sky will be on fire.

.gnikathtaerb ylpmis

5. how is it november already?? this news both excites and terrifies me. i'm excited for thanksgiving, but terrified for what happens after thanksgiving: FINALS.

.dnim ym fo tuo deracs

6. beatles rock band is incredible.

.efil ym otni uoy teg ot tog

7. today was so warm and beautiful, but my roommates are playing christmas already.

.tey gnivigsknaht neve ton s'ti

8. any bad day can be made better by watching modern family.

".pmub tsehc yug strops"

hold on love

on saturday i had the opportunity and privilege to see azure ray live at the state room in salt lake city.

(maria taylor + orenda fink = azure ray)

it was glorious.

i sat in a church pew for the whole show [which was both weird and fitting] and just soaked up all the beauty of their music.

before the show started, i decided that the only song i wanted/needed to hear that night was "displaced". and, lucky for me, it was the second song they chose to perform and, needless to say, i was not disappointed. tears stung my eyes as i listened to the song that got me through the hardest of times and thought about my family and friends and how much i love them all.

(here is a crappy video of this beautiful song)

every song they played was gorgeous and perfect and dreamy and emotional.

i'm so glad i went.

i have the best family in the entire universe. no competition.

today when i checked the mail i found a package

with my name on it!

i was so excited, i raced back to my apartment so i could open it.

as i made my way back, i squeezed the package and tried to guess what could possibly be inside.

i had no idea what i was about to behold.

inside i found the following:

-three (3!!) mix cds [two from kari and one from karl (which i'm enjoying while writing this post)]

-a lovely heart that says "i love you" on it from my niece

-an awesome picture from my nephew with a message on it telling me i'm fun

-a homemade kite from another nephew

-a tiny notebook [which is perfect because the notebook i'm using now is almost full!]

-two (2!!) garlands from sycamore street press [courtesy of kirk and eva]

-a set of cute stationery

-a cute message with a gilmore girls reference on it from kirsten

-and a sweet note from my parents [the best parents in the world.

it was the perfect antidote to my recent homesickness and i am eversograteful for my beautiful family that put it together for me.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

CUTE OVERLOAD!

when i was little, i was terrified of dogs.

in fact, until i was in high school, i was terrified of dogs.

the only dogs i remember liking during my youth were my aunt sally and uncle todd's dachsund and a golden retriever i dogsat the summer before my senior year of high school.

since then, i've grown to love dogs.

so, it's a little strange that as i settled into my bed for my traditional tuesday nap earlier today, all i wanted was a puppy to cuddle with.

and now all i can do is look at photos of puppies and wish i had one.

i mean, look at these adorable creatures!

I'M DYING! I WANT ONE SO BAD!

like clockwork.

it doesn't matter how great church was or how delicious my sunday dinner was [it never is delicious, by the way],

every sunday at exactly 6:40pm i get the sunday blues.

all i can think about is my family and how much i miss them all.

i miss my mom's food, happy disposition, and ability to make me smile even when i'm in the worst mood.

i miss my dad's jokes, his love for improv everywhere videos, and his sunday sweet tooth.

i miss kirsten's laugh and aaron's willingness to fix everything in the house and their ninos' craziness.

i miss kris and jenn and seeing how awesome parents they are.

i miss kirk's hatred for pineapple on pizza and talking about music and movies and art with eva.

i miss playing singstar with kari and trying our hardest to get the highest score on the queen version.

i miss karl's sense of humor and how much fun i have talking with him.

even though i am so grateful for this opportunity i have to gain an education here, it's still very difficult to be away from my family.

if your name was listed above, i hope you know that

i love you very much

and

i miss you.

my favorite combination.

in my opinion, the best combinations are

peanut butter and chocolate,

salty and sweet,

meg ryan and tom hanks,

rom and com,

freddie mercury and david bowie,

and

rain and sundays.

all i want to do on days like this is watch old movies and lay around all day.

too bad there is homework to be done.

you're not hardcore unless you live hardcore.

there's nothing like spending your saturday working on midterm projects and tests and watching school of rock.

getting on my soapbox. again.

let me introduce myself.

my name is kellie,

i am an art history student at byu-idaho,

i am single,

i am twenty-three years old,

and i am fed up.

a few weeks ago, there was an opinion piece in the scroll [byu-idaho's newspaper] written by a single girl in her last semester. she began the article by talking about her future expectations as a freshman at byu-idaho, especially in regards to marriage. she said that she didn't expect to still be single as a senior in college, but that she's happy that she isn't married right now. upon re-reading that article, i do agree that the manner in which she wrote the article is more rant-y than it should've been [for example, she calls all men losers and repeatedly disses married life while at the same time saying she's not trying to insult married people] and pretty poorly-written, she had one point that was worth making: "It seems that as a woman at 'BYU-I-do' you can’t be accomplished until there’s a ring on your finger."

as a byu-idaho student who has attended this university for five years and counting, i know that this is the opinion of many people whether they be faculty members, bishops, fellow students, and even students who attend other universities. for example, last summer i attended my singles ward back in orem, utah. i chose a seat and sat down and was joined shortly by a guy i had never met before. he began making small talk and asking me all kinds of questions, all of which i answered. however, once he found out i was still single at 23 and a student attending byu-idaho, he said the following: "you've been at that school for FOUR YEARS?? and you're not married yet?? at 'byu-i do??' what's wrong with you?" although he made this comment in jest, it didn't sit right with me. and i began to wonder

is there something wrong with me?

a couple days ago, my roommate was in the library and overheard a conversation between a single guy and a married girl. the subject of dating came up and the married girl asked the guy if he was dating anyone. he said that he had been on a lot of dates with younger girls this semester because "older girls are weird." when my roommate, who is also 23 and single, related this to me, i openly expressed my frustrations but inwardly wondered

am i weird because i'm an "older girl"?

today i feel the need to declare that no, there is nothing wrong with me and that i'm not weird because i'm "older" and single.

there is nothing wrong with being single in your 20s [let alone your early 20s],

there is nothing wrong with getting a degree and entering the workforce,

there is nothing wrong with graduating from byu-idaho a single woman,

and there is absolutely nothing wrong with believing these things are true.

success is not measured by the rock on a woman's ring finger.

success is measured by achieving goals, whether they're career-driven or family-driven.

a successful woman is a woman who is content and happy with what she is doing in life whether she's getting her masters, changing diapers, or making an impact in the workplace.

each of these things are noble and worthy endeavors.

marriage is personal. it happens people throughout all stages of their life depending on when the Lord feels they are ready for it.

and although marriage and motherhood are my greatest desires in life, i am not going to waste my life waiting and wishing for it to happen. because i know that it will happen for me when the Lord sees fit. i trust Him. and i know when it happens, i will be very, very happy.

but that doesn't mean i can't be happy with my life now. i am happy i'm in school and gaining an education. i am happy i'm learning about things that really interest me and enrich my life.

so, let me re-introduce myself.

my name is kellie,

i am an art history student at byu-idaho,

i am single,

i am 23,

i am not an old maid,

i am not unsuccessful,

my marital status does not define me,

and i am one hundred percent satisfied with my life.

la vita e bella

when i left my apartment this morning at 7:50am, armed with a thermos full of peppermint hot chocolate and a banana, i wished i had worn a jacket instead of a sweater.

when i walked through the parking lot at 7:51am, i looked up at the sky and it was bluegrey, pink, and light orange.

looking at that beautiful sky, i forgot i was cold and tired and hungry.

looking at that beautiful sky, i remembered that life is beautiful.

i felt gratitude for this beautiful earth,

and i felt gratitude for my life.

i just wish i could've captured that sunrise.

in which kellie has a good day.

today has been wonderful.

i found out that i will be able to have my own room next semester,

i got a refund for my five dollars that were eaten by the change machine in my complex,

the sky is blue and the sun is warm,

tomorrow is my friday and my spanish class is cancelled,

modern family is on tonight,

and i get to do laundry today [which is good because i'm on my last pair of undies],

AAAAAAAND...

i finally know what i'm going to be for halloween [thanks to crashley]!

drumroll please...

AWESOME, RIGHT?!

now all i have to do is make some birds,

put my hair up,

and throw on a dress and heels and i'm set!

i'm going to rock the 41st ward halloween party.

hop up out of bed, turn my swag on.

willow smith is my new hero.

not only is she will and jada pinkett smith's daughter,

she is nine years-old,

she has awesome style,

a FIERCE hairstyle,

and she has a KILLER SONG out right now called "whip my hair".

here is a music video of her new hit single that is constantly stuck in my head and makes me want to dance like a maniac.

and here is a video that made me smile today.

homesick.

right now i'm homesick for...

this place

these people

and this animal.

presenting...

meet my pumpkin masterpiece!

it's a john lennon/princess hybrid without a name.

and i love it.

autumn is wonderful.