so, here they are in list-form:
1. i apologize for sounding bitter and mean. i understand the author of that post had a reason to write it and that he was just trying to help in any way he could. his advice was well-meaning. however, i still disagree with the main idea of that post and will never ever apologize for having an opinion and expressing it on my own blog.
2. in writing that post, i neglected to clearly address the issue at hand: physical attractiveness.
it was probably hard to tell because of the tone of that last post, or maybe i didn't even say it at all because i was blinded by frustration, but here is what i think.
physical attraction is important in a relationship!
you absolutely have to be attracted to the person you are dating/married to!
but, in my opinion, it isn't, and shouldn't be, the most important thing that motivates you to ask another person out on a date. i can't even count how many times i've had a crush on a guy who i thought was attractive only to find out later that he was not the type of person i wanted to date.
and isn't that what dating is all about? it's about getting to know all kinds of people so you can eventually find that one person who is perfectly suited to you and your personality.
3. going back to the first item on the list, the person who wrote the post that inspired mine is not a vindictive or mean person. as i said earlier, he wrote it in order to help others. it's the thought that counts, right? however, what i disagreed with was how it was expressed. a woman should not have to be told by a man to change her appearance so that she can get asked out more. that is wrong and i stand by that opinion.
i understand that he was meaning to say that taking care of your body, regardless of your size, is really important, but putting emphasis on that instead of losing those pesky fifteen pounds would've been a little more acceptable.
also, i've often heard men say that confidence is key and that if a woman has confidence in herself people will take notice of her, regardless of what size she is or whether or not she works out. i've known plenty of women like that who date often. if a woman truly believes she's beautiful, others will see the beauty in her, too.
4. one commenter noted that men are visual creatures. while that seems to be true, does that mean that that particular idea should just be accepted and adopted into our culture? i don't think so. it sounds like a cop-out to me. with some relationships, it starts out as a platonic friendship and evolves into attraction. and those types of relationships are the best kind to have! it's not impossible to think someone is unattractive and then change your mind about it later. in fact, i've seen it happen, i've experienced it in my own life, and i've heard many stories about it happening. so, guys, don't limit yourselves to only asking out girls who are just super attractive. why not ask out a friend or classmate who has similar interests to yours? if you are only asking out the same girl but in different forms, you're limiting yourself. dating is like shopping for jeans. you keep trying different pairs on until you find one that fits. and sometimes, the pair that fits and looks best on you is oftentimes the pair that you might not have liked on the hanger.
5. if i want to change my appearance, i will do it for myself and my health and never for extra male attention. i've been working out a lot more and trying to lose weight this year, but not because i want a husband or dates. i'm doing it for myself. in fact, i don't want to be That Girl that all the guys ask out. as amy says in little women, "you don't need scores of suitors! you just need one, if he's the right one." i honestly believe and know that the right man for me will be attracted to me physically regardless of how much i weigh. i know that because i would never date someone myself who was dumb enough to care about that. i am hard enough on myself and i don't want any guy telling me i need to change my physical appearance because no guy will be attracted to me if i don't. that is completely ridiculous. if a man can't see that i am more than a number on a scale, or look past my physical imperfections, then i don't want to have anything to do with him in the first place.
and, finally:
6. i'm truly sorry for offending, angering, or hurting anyone who read my last post. it was written on a whim and in anger and it was wrong for me to write something so scathing.
THE END.
FOREVER.
2 comments:
K, I'm with you 100% on the first post. It's fine to be angry, I think too often women get a bad rap for expressing anger, but it's actually a very normal, healthy thing to do. And isn't that what a blog is for anyway? That dude's attempt to "help" LDS ladies get a date is beyond condescending and patronizing, it's stupid, like you said. Arguments like his make me wonder less why there are so many billboards for plastic surgery in Utah. I got accused, with several other women, of being unattractive and overweight while at BYU for taking a stance on a campus issue--specifically that the only pics on campus of women shouldn't be of beauty queens--by people who had never met me or them before. I just feel like beauty is yet one more tool used by far too many men to have the upper hand, especially in a culture where dating is made to be a practice where women sit around hoping for their prince to come. Physical attractION is important, but to hell with some singular ideal of attractiveNESS. Keep doing it for yourself!
I don't want that to sound so one sided: I think women do terrible things in relationships, too. My comments are assuming the existence of a patriarchal society, so remember that when reading :).
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