a letter and thoughts

hair teasers of the world:
for years i have not only witnessed, but tolerated your choice of coiffure. but enough is enough. after a recent negative experience with one of your kind, i am forced to propose a ban on all hair heights exceeding one inch above one's scalp.
i assume there is some curiosity regarding the aforementioned experience.
i will begin to elaborate on this matter by informing the accused that i am only five feet, five inches [not counting hair-height (which, you can be assured, remains at a 1/8 inch height at all times)].
remember this.
it is crucial to the event.
my niece, a precocious eight year-old, is an aspiring ballerina and participated in a recital on friday night [14 june 2008]. the theme was "alice in wonderland" and i enjoyed her performance as a flower about halfway through the recital. however, my enjoyment ceased immediately as not one, not two, not three, but FOUR of your kind chose the row directly in front of me to occupy for the remainder of the performance. their collective inability to be on time, quiet, and courteous were enough for me to form my own opinion. but it was none of these items that irked me as much as the hair.
a tall lady sat directly in front of me. now, i am fine with people sitting in front of me as long as they keep still so i can see the performance/spectacle/movi

e/fight in the cafeteria. but this woman constantly talked to people on either side of her, causing her head to move from side to side and, consequently, causing me to get whiplash and a crick in my neck from changing sides as often as she.
which brings me to the matter at hand: the hair. this woman's hair was teased five inches [FIVE INCHES] above her scalp and put in a ponytail which was also teased to about the same height. it was impossible to see over her gigantic head. i missed half of my niece's dance recital because of someone who was just rude enough to tease her hair into oblivion without thinking a moment about the possible vertically-challenged people who would have the misfortune to sit behind her.
i think i have made myself clear.
any infractions of the law against utah/idaho/cmt/truck stop hair will be punished severely by the anti utah/idaho/cmt/truck stop/miss america hair coalition [you don't want to know the consquences... (alright, i'll give you a hint: it involves the use of a flowbee. consider yourselves adequately warned.)]

not teasing [in any sense of the word],
kellie olivia jorgensen
President of AUICMTTSMAHC

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a couple of weeks ago, kirsten et al came over for their weekly visit. tessa brought her piano books, per usual, and made me sit in the living room to hear her practice.
i didn't mind at all.

she is getting to be so good and i'm so proud of how hard she's working.

i reflected on the past thirteen years of my life as a piano student and remembered thirteen years of procrastination, arguments with my mom about practicing, scales, accompanying singers and instrumentalists, recitals,etc.

and i realized how much i missed it all.

i missed the excitement of getting a new piece to work on and progressing from playing just one hand at a time with no thought on dynamics or phrasing or the emotion of it all to a [mostly]beautifully crafted song.
i missed the feel of the cool keys beneath my fingertips, the frigid damper pedal against my foot.

but most of all, i missed the way i felt when i played. it sounds selfish, but ninety-nine percent of the time, i'm playing for myself. whether it's to calm anger, contain happiness, or ease pain, every note i play is for me. it's my way of sorting out my feelings.

so, i went out and bought "clair de lune" and "the entertainer," both of which i have wanted to learn since i was young, and got to work.

getting reacquainted with the piano is much like re-meeting someone you were good friends with in the past. at first, it's a little awkward and you find yourself fumbling for the right words, like fumbling for the right notes. but then, after a while, ease settles in and it feels as if no time had passed since your last meeting.

i remember one moment, specifically, when the change occurred, when it was no longer awkward.

i was playing a difficult measure of "clair de lune" over and over again to get a feel for what the transitions would sound like. then, after getting the hang of it, i decided to start over to sort of test myself to see if i really had it down. as i eased my way into the flowing melody and dissonant chords, i tensed up, knowing that infamous part was rapidly approaching. much to my surprise, the measure came and went and sounded like it was supposed to. at that moment, i felt so happy, i kept on playing, messing up almost every note but not caring at all.

it was beautiful. and i'm so grateful for the eight year-old who inspired me to reconcile with my past.

----

sometimes i wonder what the world looks like to a cat. my cat, specifically.
i find myself wanting to switch places with kiko for twenty-four hours on particularly difficult days because the life of a cat seems so peaceful.

but then i remember how cats clean themselves [gross].
and where they go to the bathroom [a dark, smelly box].
and what they do all day, every day [sleep, eat].

and then i take back the wish and go on with my life, feeling more grateful for the one i have.

whenever i find myself wishing i could be someone else, even for just a day, i should think about this.