mi cuaderno

i've never been much of a journal-writer.
i have been given many journals in my lifetime, and with each blank book comes excitement and determination to fill every page with my thoughts, dreams, and secrets.
and with each blank book comes one week of dedicated journalwriting,
complete with embarrassing entries [subject matter: boys, drama, what i got for christmas],
and either a disinterest or complete disregard for the practice.

after many years of failed journaling, i have finally discovered the problem:

every single journal i've ever had has intimidated me.

it sounds stupid! but it's true! promise!
you see, it all started with one of the first journals i ever received.
it was beautiful; a dark brown cover with "J O U R N A L" printed across the top [like so] above a picture of Jesus and pages and pages of cream-colored paper with charcoal lines for words and the date.
but it was too beautiful.
i remember writing on the very first page and messing up.
i was heartbroken.
on top of that, my handwriting was [and, arguably, still is] terrible and i remember telling myself that no journal that beautiful on the outside deserves to be so ugly on the inside.

and ever since then, every journal i receive, although much appreciated, is at one time or another completely forgotten because of that traumatizing experience [if you can even call it that].

there are minute details of my life that will never be remembered all because i was too intimidated to record them.

what a shame.

before i left for ecuador, though, i received some inspiration by buying a "fat lil notebook" [pictured above] in black.
at the time, i didn't know why i even bought it. it seemed... weird.
but someone upstairs must have known the significant impact that little notebook would have on me.

because it changed my life.

i wasn't a completely faithful and dedicated journaler, but i recorded what i felt was important.
and, most importantly, i wasn't afraid to make mistakes.
i wasn't intimidated by its small stature or familiar aqua lines.

i couldn't be more grateful for the orem target that carried this heaven-sent item straight into my arms.
and heart.

[and the cheesy tribute to the fat lil notebook ends.... here.]