cast away the clouds

i have spent this month feeling sorry for myself.

i am still unemployed.
i was given false hope when one of the places i applied to called me today only to tell me that since i'm only in utah for the summer, they don't want me.
all of my dearest friends [except for a select few in provo i haven't seen yet (my fault)] are in idaho.
i'm bored all the time.
and my room is a disaster.

today, though, was by far the hardest.

i am currently dejunking my room.
so far, i've thrown/given away a bunch of junk [including a very incriminating journal from my junior year of high school (which probably should have been burned)].
i found myself at 3pm sitting in the midst of it all, feeling completely overwhelmed and depressed.
i looked over at my bedside table and saw a huge stack of papers hiding in the bottom shelf.
as i took them out, stacks at a time, i found treasures:
a drawing of harry potter and ginny weasley holding hands given to me by my oldest niece,
countless birthday cards ranging from 1990-2006,
pictures and pictures and pictures,
old school papers,
journals,
and a stack of postcards from exotic places sent to me by my dad when i was a baby.

as i read every word on every page/card/postcard, i was overcome with emotion.
i began to ask myself why i was feeling this way when i had so much to be grateful for.
all of those papers and cards reminded me that i was loved and appreciated.
i have a great family and awesome friends and the glorious message of the gospel.



as i pondered this today and gave thanks for everything [and everyone] i have in my life, this little gem popped up in my google reader. i love mormon messages and i used to watch them on sundays last semester as i got ready for church. they are inspiring and strengthening and tearjerking. but this one spoke to me. as i watched this particular video earlier tonight, i couldn't hold back my tears. it was exactly what i needed to hear and see. i can't imagine having to endure such a heartbreaking, painful trial. i don't think i could do it. but, stephanie and christian nielson endured and are still enduring. and their faith is strong. hearing their testimonies about trials in life strengthened mine and i hope they strengthen yours.