for realskies...

today i have three stories to share.

all of which are typical kellie/future sitcom anecdotes.

ANECDOTE ONE

i was sitting at a desk in the classroom where my usual sunday school class was held, minding my own business, when my fhe brother entered and took the seat next to mine. i greeted him with a smile because i was in a legitimately good mood. he looked at me, smiled, and said, "kellie, you look beautiful today! has anyone told you that today?" and i said no to which he replied, "well, i know there are lists of people who who thought that about you but were too afraid to say it." i was FLOORED. no boy has ever said anything so sweet to me before and i was about to say thank you again when

ALLOFASUDDEN

my gum flew out of my mouth and somehow stuck to my bottom lip.

gross.

he busted up laughing and i was so embarrassed but somehow managed to get through it by saying that i was so surprised by what he said to me that my gum flew out of my mouth.

not my smoothest moment ever.

and not my last unsmooth moment of the day.

which brings me to...

ANECDOTE TWO

my good friend and old fhe brother, matt, invited me and my roommates over to play a board game. so, we made our way up to the aldridge house and began to play the game hoopla [which is AWESOME].

ALLOFSUDDEN

this whiff of dog doo-doo wafted up into my nostrils.

matt asked me if i smelled dog poop and i said yes.

he checked his shoes, found a little mysterious spot on the bottom and decided he was the culprit. as a result, he removed his shoes, threw them outside, and put different shoes on.

but when he sat down, the stench was still there.

so, i checked my shoes and saw nothing on the right shoe, and a HUGE POOP SMEAR on my left shoe.

"IT'S ME!", i yelled as i ran out the door, scraped off the bottom of my shoe on the stoop, and left my shoes on the front porch.

when i returned, i found everyone doubled over in laughter.

it didn't help that, when guessing what a drawing was, i yelled out "MOON PLANET!" or that i did a terrible TERRIBLE impression of sean connery that will NEVER BE REPLICATED.

ANECDOTE THREE

at matt's house, i was offered a vanilla coke and i took it. my roommate, for some reason, texted my friend aaron to tell him i was drinking a coke and he texted me saying he wanted some. so i saved half of mine and planned to take it to his house after i was done playing hoopla.

as planned, i walked over to aaron's apartment, coke in hand, and offered it to him. he drank the whole thing in one swig and handed the "empty", crushed can back to me. aaron brought up a modern family reference ["oscar wilde and crazy brunch"] and i pretended to crush the can on my forehead like they do in the movies.

ALLOFASUDDEN

i spilled coke all over my new, beautiful, steal of a j.crew dress.

i started laughing and dabbing toilet paper [the only paper product in aaron's apartment] on all the stains and aaron ran to his room to get some shout spray.

he then proceeded to spray it ALL OVER ME.

it was weird.

so i had to run home in a dress that looked like someone had shot me multiple times.

come what may and love it, right?