hello, strangers

greenbelt
captured 22 april 2009


cannon
captured 22 april 2009
photo credit: aaron patrick mcgregor

i am alive.
i promise.
real post tomorrow.

fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

i have consumed some delicious food since i've been home [big surprise, right?]...



1. i really love burgers and fries. thanks, kirsten!
taken 10 april 2009 at Coney's in orem.

2. curry. my very favorite food in the entire universe.
i recommend the angkor curry. delicious.
taken 10 april 2009 at spicy thai in provo.

3. cream [korean*?] puffs for easter.
taken 12 april 2009 at the cantrell residence.
*before dinner, my cohorts and i successfully convinced a certain cantrell girl that dessert was not cream puffs, but korean puffs: meat-filled pastries with some kind of meat sauce to pour on top. i love kids. the disappointed look on her face when it was clear that she truly believed us was PRICELESS.
don't judge.
i never had little siblings.

a gift.

m+ms separated by color. just the way i like them.
thank you thank you, aaron patrick mcgregor.
taken 1 april 2009

meet jane.

jane is my typewriter and longlost friend that i picked up at the rexburg DI for eight dollars.


jane and treasures (secret note and four dollar skirt [savers], pet sounds on vinyl [amazon]).
taken 11 april 2009

------------
random thoughts:
1. this blog makes me laugh.
2. the people who work at the orem dmv are super, super nice.
3. i'm 85% done with shopping malls. thrift stores are the way to go.
4. speaking of shopping, i HATE swimsuit shopping. ugh.
5. today i had a strong urge to visit iceland.
6. new obsession: 30 rock.
favorite moments: whenever kenneth and tracy interact. the episode where kenneth was in tracy's entourage killed me. genius show.
7. i love cooking. when a meal comes together well and all the flavors and textures just fit together, it's a good feeling. i wish i had more spices and ingredients to make good food up in rexburg.

cupcakes

taken 1 april 2009

pascua

"He is despised and rejected of men; a man of, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised and we esteemed him not.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."
---Isaiah 53:3-5

carroll gardens

dear may-may:

i packed up my bags.
and waited all night.
and you and your blue car never came to my house.
what happened to nyc?
remember how we were going to move there last night?

oh well.

someday that will happen for real.

and we will not have to sleep in central park [unless we really, really want to].

have fun on your road trip!


love, kel-kel

prayers are answered.

my ipod, which was lost, is now found!

not only does it hold my entire music library, it is also the only means of finishing the final project in my phonetics class.
and said project is due tomorrow.

WHEW!
that was a close one.


i'm grateful for a mom who can find anything who always taught me to look everywhere three times over
because it was in my backpack, underneath a bunch of crumpled papers that i swear i looked under.


things are good.
i can do this.

i just got in trouble for switching my uncomfortable chair for a nice wheelie.

albums i listened to while homeworking in the library:
1. wincing the night away // the shins
2. the essential bob dylan
3. end of amnesia // m. ward
4. designing for a nervous breakdown // the anniversary
5. figure 8 // elliott smith
6. fleet foxes // fleet foxes


new favorite thing = shuffle by album on itunes.
my itunes library knows me well.
----------------
i just realized i haven't done a birthday post yet.
i apologize. really, i do.
but i have finals this week and almost no memory on my computer for more pictures.

so, that will have to wait, i suppose.
----------------
this semester has been wonderful and difficult all at the same time. reviewing past winter semesters leads me to honestly state that this is the best winter semester i've ever had.
but i'm still really angry at myself.
and a little, tiny part of me still feels like i wasted my semester [academics-wise]. even though i worked really, really hard, it still wasn't good enough. i know that it's not wholly my fault that i'm not doing as well as i could be, but i also know that i could have worked harder.
i could have gotten help when i needed it.
i could have not procrastinated.
i could have not skipped so many classes [but who wants to go to a film class taught by a man who seriously thinks that the princess bride is the greatest film ever made? not i].
i could have dropped my religion class after i found out that it was covering the second half of the old testament when i hadn't studied the first half.
i could have spent more time at the library.
i could have i could have i could have i could have

i could go on and on. but i know that thinking about the "could-haves" won't help me at all.
what will help me is honestly looking at myself and the results of this semester and vow to do better.
what will help me is to realize what is truly important and what really lasts and remember that through the hard times and impossible classes and mountainous homework.

if i learned anything this weekend, i learned that complaining is not an option for any of us. we have the gospel, we have families and friends, roofs over our heads, food in our cupboards, the blessing of living in this country and in this beautiful world created for us, talents, freedom, colors, art, music...

i don't think i'm making much sense anymore, so i'll just end on the point i was trying to make:
next time will be very, very different.
------------------
i'm so excited for ecuador.

my good friend [and future nyc flatmate] went last year and blogged about it here.
enjoy!
------------------
only three more days of school.
i can do it?

i can do it.

on repeat.

because mom always tell me to do this when times are tough.

five good things about today:
1. plans to make birthday crepes.
2. taco bell.
3. an early birthday gift from the ohio jorgensens [kirk and eva: expect a phone call from me tomorrow! sorry i couldn't get to it today].
4. oh my sweet carolina over and over and over again.
5. feeling so much gratitude for all of the wonderful people in my life. i truly am blessed. i love you all.

it was so hard to return part two.

this weekend was near-perfection.

good music [miniature tigers, where have you been all my life?]

good food [ravioli. quesadillas. aebbelskivers. toasted sandwiches. slurpees.]

good friends [hannah grace. lyndee lenae. nikki marie. aaron patrick. justin matthew. jonathon william. jeffrey scott.]

good fun [music. the cantrells. graywhale. salt lake.]


it was so hard to return.



yesterday was very, very difficult.
i think the reason why was a mixture of missing family, the stress of the end of the semester, and the blizzard we experienced on sunday.
i found myself listening to "displaced" on repeat [bad sign] and dreaming of ecuador and getting out of this town.

but in spite of its difficulty, i
1. saw a heart-shaped patch of snow on the sidewalk.
2. witnessed a good deed.
3. received a picture of a flying unicorn from a good friend.
4. rejoiced in the blue, sunny sky.
5. wore my huge, ugly sweater to the library.
6. enjoyed some almond m+ms.
7. realized the end is near.
8. felt excitement for the future.


i guess there really is a silver lining behind every cloud.

it was so hard to return.

i'll find a way out of here. do you believe me? just watch me.

this weekend = utah.

for bishop allen on friday night

and

festival of colors on saturday

and

some much-needed time away from rexburg and the freshly-fallen snow.

photos will be taken.

--------

what i've been listening to lately:

1. i'm like a virgin losing a child // manchester orchestra
-"golden ticket" and "wolves at night" are my favorites.
2. takk... // sigur ros
-perfect studying music.
3. orange rhyming dictionary // jets to brazil
-recently re-introduced to me by jeffrey scott poole.
4. under the blacklight // rilo kiley
-not a huge fan of this album, but "silver lining" is wonderful.
5. acid tongue // jenny lewis
-"godspeed" and "trying my best to love you" and "carpetbaggers" are genius.

hahahahahaha.

silver lining.

i constantly change my mind.
one day i'll have a grand idea and be super excited about it, and the next day i'll decide that i want something different.

but mark my words, this time i'm sticking to my plan.
this time, there's no going back.

i'm going to ecuador.

i can't even describe how good i feel about this decision.
lately i have been so stressed out with trying to decide what i'm going to do and where i'm going to go and this is the first time i've felt peace in weeks.
and since i've made this decision, things have fallen into place. even though i just made it a few hours ago, i just have this great excitement and zest for life.
even though i feel like a grandma sometimes, i am still young.
and there is still so much i want to do with my life.

i want to live in seattle, travel to scandinavia, go on a roadtrip across the country, graduate from school, start my career, live somewhere cool, meet all kinds of people, eat delicious food, learn how to cook/sew/decorate, and just live my life.

so, in order to accomplish these things, i have made a plan for the next year or so.

life plan:
april - mid-july = rexburg.
july - november = cuenca.
november - beginning of january = orem.
january - april = rexburg.
april/may - august = seattle/new york [nannying?].


there you have it.

i just have to say, i've done a complete 180.
i am so excited to experience everything that's coming up in my life.
and i feel completely happy for the first time in a long time.

there is hope.
there is always hope.

i'll see you soon.

just a song i've been listening to a lot.



ps: the dvd that this song is from is pretty amazing.

last week,

i:
1. cried a lot.
2. changed my mind a thousand times.
3. dumpster dived ([dove?] giant cinnamon rolls are delicious).
4. thought and thought and thought.
5. enjoyed the sixty degree weather. in rexburg. in MARCH.
6. prayed for rain.
7. listened to the rain fall on my roof the next morning.
8. wished i could fast-forward my life.
9. was very, very frustrated.
10. thought about dropping out of school.
11. wanted a change so desperately.
12. loved.
13. watched lots and lots of gilmore girls.
14. made plans.
15. missed my family more than i can say.
16. made many, many lists.
17. opened up my scriptures to a random page and read the most comforting verses [d+c 100:6, 12, 15]. they were exactly what i needed and an answer to prayer.
18. read this blog and wanted so desperately to move out of idaho [and have a boy propose to me in a secret home-made fort].
19. read this talk and was comforted.
20. wrote a song.
21. had three much-needed girls nights in a row.
22. felt very grateful for all of the amazing people in my life. i don't know what i would do without them.

-------------------------------------

whoever said that this time of life is the best must have been completely deranged.

i hate/fear the unknown.

am i making something worthwhile out of this place?

this is just a song i've been listening to on repeat lately.

am i making something worthwhile out of this place?

saturday was glorious.
the sun was out, there wasn't a single cloud in the sky, all the snow is melting, and only a light jacket was needed.

we packed lunches
and headed out to porter park to eat them on the playground equipment.

then we headed out to nature park
and fed the ducks.

our favorites received names.
the one in the center with the little tuft of feathers on his head is lovingly named sideshow bob.

candid shot.
[nikki, hannah, aaron, lyndee]

posed shot.

even though it looks like winter in these photos, it felt like spring.
and i couldn't be happier about that.

DISCLAIMER: THE BELGIUM TRIP IS NOT ACTUALLY TAKING PLACE. IT WAS SIMPLY A JOKE/DREAM.
sorry.

a list!

why i loved today:
1. it's vrjidag!
2. spontaneous drives to st. anthony and back and to the duck pond just to listen to a bob dylan album.
3. beautiful, beautiful weather.
4. disappearing snow.
5. walks to broulims to get oranges.
6. naps.
7. dan in real life.
8. mini cupcakes with funfetti frosting!
9. 30 rock.
10. miles davis and facebook chats to end the day.
-------
rexburg weather is deceiving.
today i woke up, looked outside my window and saw blue, sunny skies and absolutely no snow.
so, i just wore a jacket to school.

within two minutes of being outside, my boogers were frozen.
my feet were so cold, they were stiff.

why can't it feel beautiful when it looks beautiful?
-------
a friend and i were talking about how when we're rich someday, we're going to have apartments in really cool cities.
i picked seattle and chicago and san francisco.

i know i'll never be rich, but one day i will live in one of those cities.
and i know i will be happy.
-------
everyone and their dog is pregnant.

it's so weird.
-------
i really miss kiko a lot.
i don't know why, but this whole week i've felt this huge void in my life that kiko used to fill.

is that weird?

she always knew when i was upset even before i would outwardly show any sign of feeling that way. there were so many times in my life where tears would well up in my eyes, and i would hear kiko's little paws trotting into my room and feeling her jump on my bed and cuddle up next to me.

i miss that more than i can say.
-------
i sure love the swell season.

i'm down for whatever.

yesterday i...

1. planned a trip to belgium.
we're leaving in april and staying for a week.
2. visited the library for an hour.
where i did homework for twenty minutes out of the two hours spent there.
3. planned and schemed.
california? colorado?
4. finally purchased food.
four loaves of good bread for five dollars. that's what i'm talking about.
5. listened to this song on repeat.
they don't love you like i love you.
6. mailed out my housing contract + deposit for next semester.
only five roommates. yessssss.
7. got really, really, really excited for ecuador.
megan, your pictures are beautiful.
8. listened to van lear rose.
music appreciation.
9. drank a very, very large soda for only sixty cents.
thank you, horkleys!
10. made a birthday present.
guess who it's for!
11. got taken out for ice cream.
chocolate cake batter with reeses peanut butter cups.
12. wore my mermaid outfit.
the shell necklace completes it.
13. got in two fights.
i'm pretty sure i lost both times.
14. wanted to wear red lipstick.
just for grins.
15. watched this video and ached for this.
it just might work.
16. saw the sun and blue skies.
spring is on its way!
17. missed my family.
love you all.
18. hoped.
please, please, please let me get what i want.
19. listened to the camera obscura station on pandora.
it was perfect.
20. felt grateful for all of the amazing and supportive people i have in my life.
thank you.

my babies.

What do you think about my little new baby evie?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?



What do you think about my little new baby rusty?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?



What do you think about my little new baby leah?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?



What do you think about my little new baby adam jr.?
MakeMeBabies.com - What will your baby look like?

i love this website.

thirty-three.

today is the day of my oldest sister, kirsten's, birth.

let me tell you about her.

1. she is an amazing, amazing mother.
the birthday parties she throws for her kids are always so creative and look like they came out of a martha stewart magazine.
she has seemingly limitless patience.
she believes in her children and shows so much love for them.
she makes learning fun and encourages exploration and discovery.

2. she is one of the most creative and talented people i know.
just read her blog. you'll see what i mean.

3. she gives good, reasonable advice.
especially to a sister who doesn't always listen to reason.

4. she's an example to me in every way.
when i grow up, i want to be like her.


see? isn't she amazing?

kirsten, i love you and i'm so glad you're my sister!

happy birthday!

guinness book of world records!

thanks, aaron.

two days in a row.

this morning i woke up at 8:50.
my first class is at 9.
i jumped out of bed, threw on some jeans and a sweatshirt, hurriedly brushed my teeth, grabbed my bag, and ventured outside into the cold air.
it had snowed during the night. this time it was just a light dusting, though, so i thanked the Lord and continued on my way to the snow building, arriving at my film class two minutes late.
deja vu ensued.
[on my very first day of school at byu-idaho, i had a class in the romney and then a class ten minutes later in the ricks building. these two buildings are on opposite ends of campus. i couldn't remember exactly how to get to the ricks building, but i knew it was at the top of the hill. looking back on it now, i took the longest way possible and was five minutes late. the second i opened the door and walked into the lecture hall, my teacher was just beginning a lecture on how he does not tolerate tardiness.]
i found myself feeling like eighteen year-old kellie olivia jorgensen once again, scared and confused and completely embarrassed. i sat through my film professor's ten minute-long lecture on being late and wondered why i had even gone to class that day.
as he droned on and on about who knows what, i looked at him and wondered why he was here.
and then it hit me: film is this man's passion. he has studied film and theater for years [i dare say decades] all so that he can share his passion with others and teach them things they wouldn't even notice at first viewing.
my next question scared me, to say the least.

why am i here?

obviously, i'm studying to become a high school spanish teacher.
is it my passion?
no.
is it something i think about a lot and crave to learn more about?
definitely not.
then why am i here? why did i choose this path for myself?
i'm still trying to answer this question.

i thought the uncertainty would go away once i found my place,
but it is always present.

i constantly find myself aching for more, for something completely different.
i can't put my finger on exactly what that is, but i know it involves me living elsewhere, doing something different. something i'm excited about.

i don't know what that entails right now, but i hope i find out soon.

what i've been up to lately.

1. figuring out what to do with my hair.
i know i want my hair to be blonde again [although being a brunette was really fun and exciting], but i think i want to take a couple inches off my hair?
i'll probably change my mind tomorrow or get it done and regret the decision right away.
in other hair news, my roommate and i successfully gave my hair a trim! i got impatient and started cutting the dead ends off and she got scared [rightfully so] and finished the job.
also, i keep trying every once in a while to get my bangs to look like this:
but they always end up looking like they always do.
oh well.
c'est la vie.

2. album of the week
wednesday is probably my favorite day of the week because of this new tradition.
my friends and i take turns picking an album that we love/appreciate and lie down on the living room floor and listen to it in its entirety.
my first [and only] pick was bruce springsteen's nebraska.
it's my turn this week.
i'm thinking of picking bjork's homogenic or beirut's gulag orkestar or loretta lynn's van lear rose.
we'll see.

3. enjoying an unseasonably mild rexburg winter
i don't have any pictures yet, but the snow is melting! and it's march!
i can see the grass in my front yard!
and most of the blue track across the street from my house!
spring is literally right around the corner.

4. homework
eww.

5. collage
pictures soon to come.
-----
what i'm anticipating:

1. summer
as most of you know, i'm staying in rexburg for the summer.
i couldn't be more excited. i'm expecting to have the best summer of my life.

2. mates of state
road trip!
denver!
so excited!

3. no school until september
i'm getting burned out.

4. ecuador

5. this.
-----
do you ever wake up in the morning and wonder what you're doing with your life?
lately i've found myself going about my day and wondering why i'm doing what i'm doing.
i'm terrified i've made a huge mistake.
-----
i can't stop listening to ok ikumi's spirits.
it's inspiring.
-----
when does it get easier?
-----
on particularly difficult days, i find myself listening to this song on repeat.

enjoy.

photos and a shout-out

this is what i look like as a brunette who didn't know the flash was going to go off.
i love lyndee and hannah.


this is a ring i fashioned from a broken guitar string.
i wear it everyday.
someone thought it was an engagement ring.
------------------------
today is my mother's birthday.
i planned on sending her a homemade birthday card, but i didn't finish it in time.
[i feel really bad about this.
but it will be in the mail by monday at the very latest.]

i love my mom a lot.
she is my best friend and she helps me so much.
i'm so glad i have her in my life.

i love you, mom!
have the happiest birthday today!

i am alive.

i am terrible at updating this.

i have a few pictures to post,

and a few stories to tell,

and a few albums i'm itching to talk about that i can't stop listening to,

but that will have to wait until a later date.

as in, after i upload said pictures to computer.

before i go, though, i will say this:

1. i'm happy.
2. i'm [mostly] healthy.
3. life is great.

love, kellie

even though

even though i woke up thirty minutes before my first class
and had to use my roommate's printer to print out my assignments,
and almost fell asleep ten times in my religion class,
and was publicly humiliated in my spanish class,
and found out that a friend of mine is transferring,
and forgot to finish my math homework this weekend,
and didn't get as much sleep as i would have liked last night,

i still had a wonderful day

because it is november seventeenth
and there is no snow on the ground
and the weather was so gloriously beautiful that i didn't even need to wear a coat
and alyx and i took advantage of wendy's value menu
and i made plans with my two favorite roommates
and tonight is music outlet
and i will be going home in exactly three days and a wake-up.

this post has seven lists.

i'm currently writing this blog entry after a long hiatus in the library, in a cubicle next to a window so i can see the blue sky and people-watch when i get bored of writing my spanish essay about whether byu-idaho should have intercollegiate sports or not. part of me thinks this is a bad idea [sitting by the window] because it is so beautiful outside and i would much rather be playing at the park instead of homeworking in the loudest library in the universe, but maybe it will motivate me to work harder [better, faster, stronger].

ten reasons why i am happy [in spite of the fact that i'm in idaho]:
1. i live in a house. a real house. one of these days i'll take pictures of my new home and post them here. i sleep in a cute, yellow room which i recently decorated with my pretty banner from kirsten and artwork and thoughtful cards from friends and family. i have a front porch with a bench and a couple of rusty, blue chairs [which i definitely do not utilize enough] and some pretty amazing roommates. basically, i lucked out in the living situation department.
2. seven days and a wake-up until thanksgiving break!
3. i am the teachings for our times teacher in relief society. it's a dream calling.
4. my hair is longgggggg.
5. i'm applying for a study abroad in merida, mexico through byu.
6. it hasn't snowed a lot yet [!!!!].
7. ninja tag*.
8. i am now an expert at guitar hero.
9. i talked to my sister today.
10. my group meeting for my american literature class was only five minutes long.

two funny things that have happened this semester:
1. my roommates and i had this great idea to dye my hair platinum blonde. my hair was YELLOW. like, crayola crayon yellow. alyx fixed it, though, and now it's pretty much back to my natural color. i cried, but now it's really funny.
2. i fell off a slide at the playground that was five feet off the ground and landed on my back. hahahaha.

classes i am taking this semester:
1. spanish advanced grammar and composition.
2. math for the real world [i'm still not convinced that i will use everything i have learned thus far in my real life].
3. american literature: realism to modernism.
4. teachings of the living prophets.
5. aerobics.

classes i am taking next semester:
1. intro to spanish literature and analysis [eeek!].
2. aerobics.
3. old testament.
4. spanish phonetics
5. creative writing

ten songs i'm really into right now:
1. today // smashing pumpkins
2. lost! // coldplay
3. jesus // the velvet underground
4. lift up your eyes // ok ikumi
5. what you waiting for? // gwen stefani
6. army of me // bjork
7. the good life // weezer
8. please, please, please, let me get what i want // the smiths
9. lean on me // the bumbling jorgensens
10. old sept blues // my morning jacket

fifteen people i miss:
1. the cantrells.
2. kris and jenn and sam jorgensen.
3. kirk and eva.
4. kari.
5. karl.
6. mom and dad.
7. kiko.

one place i wish i could be right now:
1. south jordan. so i could go to the coolest star wars party ever [kirsten: talia and hannah and i were talking last night about driving down for the party and dressing up like chewbacca [talia (she can do the best wookie impression!)], han solo [hannah], and princess leia [me]. but we don't have a car].




*ninja tag recipe
one medium-sized playground
at least five people
nighttime

instructions:
1. assemble on the playground equipment.
2. volunteer to be "it."
3. put a blindfold on.
4. try to tag the ninjas.
5. play again [now you're a ninja].
6. evade the person who is "it" by not touching the ground, jumping from one slide to the other, etc.

a letter and thoughts

hair teasers of the world:
for years i have not only witnessed, but tolerated your choice of coiffure. but enough is enough. after a recent negative experience with one of your kind, i am forced to propose a ban on all hair heights exceeding one inch above one's scalp.
i assume there is some curiosity regarding the aforementioned experience.
i will begin to elaborate on this matter by informing the accused that i am only five feet, five inches [not counting hair-height (which, you can be assured, remains at a 1/8 inch height at all times)].
remember this.
it is crucial to the event.
my niece, a precocious eight year-old, is an aspiring ballerina and participated in a recital on friday night [14 june 2008]. the theme was "alice in wonderland" and i enjoyed her performance as a flower about halfway through the recital. however, my enjoyment ceased immediately as not one, not two, not three, but FOUR of your kind chose the row directly in front of me to occupy for the remainder of the performance. their collective inability to be on time, quiet, and courteous were enough for me to form my own opinion. but it was none of these items that irked me as much as the hair.
a tall lady sat directly in front of me. now, i am fine with people sitting in front of me as long as they keep still so i can see the performance/spectacle/movi

e/fight in the cafeteria. but this woman constantly talked to people on either side of her, causing her head to move from side to side and, consequently, causing me to get whiplash and a crick in my neck from changing sides as often as she.
which brings me to the matter at hand: the hair. this woman's hair was teased five inches [FIVE INCHES] above her scalp and put in a ponytail which was also teased to about the same height. it was impossible to see over her gigantic head. i missed half of my niece's dance recital because of someone who was just rude enough to tease her hair into oblivion without thinking a moment about the possible vertically-challenged people who would have the misfortune to sit behind her.
i think i have made myself clear.
any infractions of the law against utah/idaho/cmt/truck stop hair will be punished severely by the anti utah/idaho/cmt/truck stop/miss america hair coalition [you don't want to know the consquences... (alright, i'll give you a hint: it involves the use of a flowbee. consider yourselves adequately warned.)]

not teasing [in any sense of the word],
kellie olivia jorgensen
President of AUICMTTSMAHC

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a couple of weeks ago, kirsten et al came over for their weekly visit. tessa brought her piano books, per usual, and made me sit in the living room to hear her practice.
i didn't mind at all.

she is getting to be so good and i'm so proud of how hard she's working.

i reflected on the past thirteen years of my life as a piano student and remembered thirteen years of procrastination, arguments with my mom about practicing, scales, accompanying singers and instrumentalists, recitals,etc.

and i realized how much i missed it all.

i missed the excitement of getting a new piece to work on and progressing from playing just one hand at a time with no thought on dynamics or phrasing or the emotion of it all to a [mostly]beautifully crafted song.
i missed the feel of the cool keys beneath my fingertips, the frigid damper pedal against my foot.

but most of all, i missed the way i felt when i played. it sounds selfish, but ninety-nine percent of the time, i'm playing for myself. whether it's to calm anger, contain happiness, or ease pain, every note i play is for me. it's my way of sorting out my feelings.

so, i went out and bought "clair de lune" and "the entertainer," both of which i have wanted to learn since i was young, and got to work.

getting reacquainted with the piano is much like re-meeting someone you were good friends with in the past. at first, it's a little awkward and you find yourself fumbling for the right words, like fumbling for the right notes. but then, after a while, ease settles in and it feels as if no time had passed since your last meeting.

i remember one moment, specifically, when the change occurred, when it was no longer awkward.

i was playing a difficult measure of "clair de lune" over and over again to get a feel for what the transitions would sound like. then, after getting the hang of it, i decided to start over to sort of test myself to see if i really had it down. as i eased my way into the flowing melody and dissonant chords, i tensed up, knowing that infamous part was rapidly approaching. much to my surprise, the measure came and went and sounded like it was supposed to. at that moment, i felt so happy, i kept on playing, messing up almost every note but not caring at all.

it was beautiful. and i'm so grateful for the eight year-old who inspired me to reconcile with my past.

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sometimes i wonder what the world looks like to a cat. my cat, specifically.
i find myself wanting to switch places with kiko for twenty-four hours on particularly difficult days because the life of a cat seems so peaceful.

but then i remember how cats clean themselves [gross].
and where they go to the bathroom [a dark, smelly box].
and what they do all day, every day [sleep, eat].

and then i take back the wish and go on with my life, feeling more grateful for the one i have.

whenever i find myself wishing i could be someone else, even for just a day, i should think about this.

i haven't posted since 31 january.

here's why:
1. the internet connection at my old apartment in rexburg was completely unreliable [one time it wasn't working at all for three days].
2. my camera is on its last leg and can only take a few pictures before dying.
3. i have had nothing to post about.

well, i thought i had nothing to post about. i was just looking through the pictures on my camera and found some old "picture a day" pictures that are pretty interesting, if i do say so myself. and some pictures of princess' eighth birthday party and a real salt lake game and a project i worked on.

so, here they are!


this is my old roommate, sharon, with an icicle that was almost as tall as me.
exhibit a of why rexburg is a horrible place: the icicles are deadly.
especially icicles that are four feet long.


this is a delicious dinner i made myself.
i think i made this when my roommates and i were hooked on watching bravo's "top chef". it just had beens and rice and corn and cheese and onions inside. i put all the stuff inside and folded it up and then crisped it up on the frying pan i heated the tortilla on.
needless to say, it was absolutely delicious.


mom made me this hat. it's so warm and soft and wonderful and pretty.


RSL V. LA GALAXY!
we had AMAZING seats [thanks, dad!] and we were right under where these streamers exploded! mom and i screamed. karl and dad laughed.


leo then came out riding a motorcycle.


leo's big exit and a five year old boy spreading peace.


hi, david beckham!
again, we had REEEEEALLY good seats!


this game was probably the most exciting rsl game i've seen! it's only the second game i've been to, so that's not saying much, but i think karl and mom and dad would agree that it was more fun than past games.
especially when the la galaxy players would kick the ball back into play and the rsl fans would scream "ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU SUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"
that was fun.


i've always had this desire to make an embroidered pillow with rap lyrics on them like those pillow covers and needlepoints that say things like "a stitch in time saves nine" and "the early bird gets the worm."
so, i picked vanilla ice. "anything less than the best is a felony."
this was given as a gift.


princess' party! she was so excited. i think she was dancing around when i took this picture.
you can read kirsten's blog for more details. i have to say, though, that it was probably the best party i've been to in a long time!


this is kiko. she's been one of my best friends this summer and she always finds the weirdest places to sit/sleep.
one time, after kirsten and her kids came to hang out for the day, all of the couch cushions were on the floor in the living room and kiko sat on the back of the couch, looking completely uncomfortable. but she stayed there.


i think she's a beautiful cat.


the end.

ps: expect more regular updates in the future. i'm going to be better at this.