Whilst shopping at Ikea I decided it would be funny to place the stuffed puppy I was getting for my nephew in the baby seat.
T took it one step further and buckled him in.
As we were walking out of the store, I thanked T for humoring me and going along with my joke, to which he replied, "Who's joking? What if we had bumped into another cart or turned too sharply? This puppy needs to be safe!"
I really, really like him {[T, not the puppy] Although... who wouldn't love that adorable puppy??}.
I haven't posted a single thing since April 30th. That is unlike me.
However, in my defense. Life has kind of happened in a big way and I guess I just got sidetracked with those things and forgot about my little corner here on the interwebz.
For instance, I...
-finished out my first year working at my almost-dream job
-took my endowments out and had an amazing experience at the temple
-got set up by a coworker
-fell in love with the person my coworker set me up with
-got to know some seriously amazing people
-shot a gun for the very first time and hit a clay pigeon on my second shot
-went to the castle valley pageant
-got released as the relief society second counselor
-got called as the relief society president
-visited a town with no stoplights
-jumped into a kiddie pool fully clothed
-got into boy meets world again
-bought a car (Susie the Subaru)
-had a lovely time with my family at our semi-annual Jorgensen family reunion
-saw some seriously breathtaking sunsets
-and... I started my second year at my amazing job!
It's been a remarkable summer, but the fall yields some exciting things, too!
Hannah bananafart's wedding, atrip to bear lake, Vegas road trip with some good friends, another trip (or two) to castledale, a whole week with lyndee (!!!), and so much more!
i re-read the post i wrote yesterday and felt the need to clarify some things.
so, here they are in list-form:
1. i apologize for sounding bitter and mean. i understand the author of that post had a reason to write it and that he was just trying to help in any way he could. his advice was well-meaning. however, i still disagree with the main idea of that post and will never ever apologize for having an opinion and expressing it on my own blog.
2. in writing that post, i neglected to clearly address the issue at hand: physical attractiveness.
it was probably hard to tell because of the tone of that last post, or maybe i didn't even say it at all because i was blinded by frustration, but here is what i think.
physical attraction is important in a relationship!
you absolutely have to be attracted to the person you are dating/married to!
but, in my opinion, it isn't, and shouldn't be, the most important thing that motivates you to ask another person out on a date. i can't even count how many times i've had a crush on a guy who i thought was attractive only to find out later that he was not the type of person i wanted to date.
and isn't that what dating is all about? it's about getting to know all kinds of people so you can eventually find that one person who is perfectly suited to you and your personality.
3. going back to the first item on the list, the person who wrote the post that inspired mine is not a vindictive or mean person. as i said earlier, he wrote it in order to help others. it's the thought that counts, right? however, what i disagreed with was how it was expressed. a woman should not have to be told by a man to change her appearance so that she can get asked out more. that is wrong and i stand by that opinion.
i understand that he was meaning to say that taking care of your body, regardless of your size, is really important, but putting emphasis on that instead of losing those pesky fifteen pounds would've been a little more acceptable.
also, i've often heard men say that confidence is key and that if a woman has confidence in herself people will take notice of her, regardless of what size she is or whether or not she works out. i've known plenty of women like that who date often. if a woman truly believes she's beautiful, others will see the beauty in her, too.
4. one commenter noted that men are visual creatures. while that seems to be true, does that mean that that particular idea should just be accepted and adopted into our culture? i don't think so. it sounds like a cop-out to me. with some relationships, it starts out as a platonic friendship and evolves into attraction. and those types of relationships are the best kind to have! it's not impossible to think someone is unattractive and then change your mind about it later. in fact, i've seen it happen, i've experienced it in my own life, and i've heard many stories about it happening. so, guys, don't limit yourselves to only asking out girls who are just super attractive. why not ask out a friend or classmate who has similar interests to yours? if you are only asking out the same girl but in different forms, you're limiting yourself. dating is like shopping for jeans. you keep trying different pairs on until you find one that fits. and sometimes, the pair that fits and looks best on you is oftentimes the pair that you might not have liked on the hanger.
5. if i want to change my appearance, i will do it for myself and my health and never for extra male attention. i've been working out a lot more and trying to lose weight this year, but not because i want a husband or dates. i'm doing it for myself. in fact, i don't want to be That Girl that all the guys ask out. as amy says in little women, "you don't need scores of suitors! you just need one, if he's the right one." i honestly believe and know that the right man for me will be attracted to me physically regardless of how much i weigh. i know that because i would never date someone myself who was dumb enough to care about that. i am hard enough on myself and i don't want any guy telling me i need to change my physical appearance because no guy will be attracted to me if i don't. that is completely ridiculous. if a man can't see that i am more than a number on a scale, or look past my physical imperfections, then i don't want to have anything to do with him in the first place.
and, finally:
6. i'm truly sorry for offending, angering, or hurting anyone who read my last post. it was written on a whim and in anger and it was wrong for me to write something so scathing.
today was a particularly awful day. work was, to put it nicely, difficult and stressful.
when i got home, i checked my facebook and saw that an acquaintance of mine had posted an article [that he presumably wrote] called "How to Get an LDS Guy Part I." i clicked on it to learn from this cretin's sage advice and was completely and predictably horrified by what i found and all hopes for having a better post-work day went out the window.
i mean, it's bad enough that he wrote that post in the first place. but this fool went a step further and posted it on facebook for all of his 300+ friends to see! and he did this to HELP the women he is friends with!
apparently, according to this ignoramus and who knows how many other blockheads out there, the first and most important way to snag a husband is to lose weight. this is what the dumdum says in his own words, "When it comes to attracting LDS guys, there are many other topics I would rather write about besides good looks. But…the truth of the matter compels me to address it. For many LDS girls simply improving their figure would do more to improve their dating life than anything else I could tell you."
that's right, ladies!
if you're frustrated with your lack of a dating life, blame the number on the scale!
just drop fifty pounds and you'll be a dating machine!
i can't believe that i've been so wrong all these years!
the only reason why i don't date much is because of my weight!
apparently it is not necessary to be an interesting or intelligent person because looks are the only thing that matters when it comes to dating and relationships!
thank you, jerkface, for alerting my mind to this issue!
all sarcasm aside, reading that post not only angered me to a level that hasn't been unearthed since my days of scroll-bashing at byu-idaho, it truly discouraged me.
it's confession time.
i am twenty-five, single, and content with my life [for the most part].
but lately i've really been feeling like something or someone was missing from my life.
as a result of that, i've actually been doing social things with my ward and doing things i normally wouldn't do to increase my chances of finding that person.
it's been really, really difficult so far because i'm not one of those girls who knows how to flirt or be cute on command!
in fact, talking to a boy i have a crush on is panic attack-inducing! i feel like i'm sixteen all over again!
being a member of this church can be difficult when it comes to marital status because that status turns into a defining characteristic.
it doesn't matter if you're a singer, painter, teacher, or plumber. you're either single or married.
so much emphasis is placed on marriage [at least in my stake] and i know that a temple marriage is very, very important, but hearing about it constantly and how wonderful it can be makes it more difficult to be single.
instead of a stage of life, it turns into a disease that needs a cure.
and no matter how often we are encouraged to date, nothing. ever. changes.
boys will still use girls and be noncommital!
girls will still play games!
girls will still have to do most of the work and instigate things!
and boys will still have a difficult time even asking a girl out.
there are so many insecurities you feel during this time, especially as a woman [hmm... i wonder where we get those insecurities from?].
so many feelings of inadequacy, unattractiveness, and awkwardness.
but those feelings don't magically disappear when you find The One.
if you're going to the gym every day because you want a hot body and five dates every weekend, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
shouldn't we be improving ourselves for our own benefit?
if we rely on other people to tell us we are beautiful, we never truly learn it for ourselves.
we will never love ourselves or think we are valuable or beautiful.
to conclude, reading those words just didn't help at all.
in fact, they hurt.
putting the blame on a woman's lack of a dating life is completely and utterly ridiculous and should never have been done in the first place.
i realize that we, as women, are not perfect and make mistakes, but our outer appearance should never be considered a factor in that.
and, honestly, if what this dimwit says is true and the only thing standing between me and a temple marriage is my weight...
then maybe i don't want to get married that badly.
so, here's my advice to the lunkhead who decided writing a dumb post was such a great idea:
how do you get an lds girl [or any girl, for that matter] to like you?
1. a true menace to society [thanks, brigham young!]
2. a quarter of a century young
3. in my mid-twenties
i remember thinking twenty-five was SO OLD when i was a wee freshman in college all those years ago.
my bestie [holla, alyx!] and i were talking about this when she called me a couple weeks ago and we just couldn't get over how weird it felt to officially be in our mid-twenties.
it's crazy!
but even though it's all twilight zone up in here, i can't help feeling that this is my year.
i don't know why, but i've got a really good feeling about my twenty-fifth year.
wonderful things might potentially happen sometime in the future!
in the meantime, let's speculate.
what do you think will happen in this, the twenty-fifth year of my life?
what are some cool things i should do to celebrate this wondrous stage of life i'm in?
there have been a couple days this week where i took a step back, assessed whatever situation i was in and thought to myself, "there is no way i can do this. why on earth am i here?"
but today was not one of those days.
the sun was shining, we got to walk to a nearby park and play like children for a little while, everyone was laughing and smiling and saying sweet things, my coworkers seemed to be in better spirits than usual, i even shed a few tears watching one of our graduating students sing along to sesame street music videos [specifically this one (although he loves this one and this one just as much)].
it was just one of those days.
at one point, i took a step back, looked around me, and felt so much joy and love for all of these special spirits i have the privilege to work with every day. i felt so grateful for every little step along the way that led me to this job.
this job, along with my students and coworkers, has changed my life.
and i don't think i'll ever be able to give back what they have given to me in this short time.
i'm just so happy!
now, if i can just remember this post on the really tough days, i think i'll be okay.
in january the relief society presidency was reorganized and i was called to serve as the second counselor. it has been such a wonderful and life-changing experience for me. i've made new friends, learned many new lessons, and grown closer to my Heavenly Father.
but one such experience has truly made a profound impact on my life and how i view myself.
at the beginning of january, the relief society president, with some counsel from us, came up with a theme for our relief society for the semester. that theme is "love Christ, love yourself, and love others." we decided to focus on each part of that theme for our first sunday lessons. the first counselor was given the topic of loving Christ and i just assumed, for some dumb reason, that i would be teaching the "loving others" lesson. it was perfect for me! i love to love others! i would have plenty of experiences from work and ecuador to share! so, i mentally prepared my lesson only to find out that i would be teaching the lesson on loving yourself.
i was crushed.
i had to teach a bunch of girls about something i didn't really know myself.
i felt inadequate.
i felt frustrated.
i felt like calling oprah and convincing her to come teach the lesson for me.
i tried convincing the president and first counselor that the "loving others" lesson should come first, but they basically said to me, in the immortal words of rupaul, "if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?" [note: they did not actually quote rupaul, but they had the same idea].
so, onward i went.
when i was a relief society instructor, i would start preparing my lesson the monday before, forget about it until saturday night, and hastily throw something together at the last minute.
this time, i started studying, pondering, and preparing a month in advance.
each day, i read a scripture story or conference talk about my topic.
i started listening to conference talks on my daily commute.
and as i studied and prepared, i noticed a big change in my life.
at work, i was more patient and loving toward my students.
i showed more love to my family and my relief society sisters.
i forgave myself more quickly and didn't dwell on my flaws and weaknesses as much.
i felt so much love in my life.
all in all, i was happier than i had been in months.
finally, The Sunday arrived.
i was a bundle of nerves.
although i had prepared much more than usual, i was so nervous.
i truly wanted my fellow sisters to feel the way i had felt all month.
i wanted to encourage and lift them up.
i wanted them to know just how much they are loved--not just by their family and friends, but by a loving Heavenly Father.
i wanted them to know exactly who they are.
as i shared my message with my beautiful sisters, i grew so emotional.
being a woman is difficult.
it's painful at times and i feel that we often forget who we truly are and how valued and cherished we are.
even though i still have a long ways to go on this journey, i recalled as i taught the many nights i had cried and pleaded with the Lord to help me through my confidence issues and trials i had been facing.
at those times, i felt hopeless.
i didn't think there was anyone who really understood exactly how i felt.
but i have learned, especially after preparing this lesson, that there is always hope.
there is someone who has experienced firsthand what we are going through and experienced that pain so that He would know how to comfort and help us in our time of need.
guys, we are loved.
Jesus Christ knows us. He knows our names, our trials, our pains. He rejoices in our successes. He knows exactly to help us and He will if we call upon Him.
i am so grateful for this experience. i don't think i'll ever look at myself the same way. i can honestly say right now that i know exactly who i am and love myself, warts and all.
i can promise you right now that these words will lift you up out of the darkness and into the warmth and light of the Savior's love.
i know they will because that is exactly what they did for me.
i really miss writing but i never feel like i have anything to write about.
i think i complained about this last time or the time before that.
oh well.
want to hear some jumbled thoughts/experiences i've had lately and then read a second post about a completely different topic?
okay?
okay!
-i think i've mentioned a student i have dubbed "the door guy" for confidentiality purposes before, but just in case i haven't, this particular student is one of my faves. he is so sweet and childlike and smart. every day he comes up to me and tells me a song title or partial song lyric to which i reply, "oh, man! i love that song!" and we talk about how nice the song is [whether i like it or not].
examples:
1. "you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful it's true."
2. "have you ever really loved a woman."
3. "how much is the doggie in the window."
4. "bang, bang, bang on the door, baby."
5. "everything i do, i do it for you."
and my personal favorite,
6. "man, i feel like a woman."
number six was the most recent occurrence and the absolute funniest. i think he really knows that it makes me happy when he communicates in song titles because he always seems to do it when i'm stressed or frustrated.
i just love my job so much.
have i said that recently?
-i met with my bishop yesterday evening to talk about something and somehow the topic of marriage came up [of course]. he ended up giving me some very good advice and told me that i need to "get off the shelf" and just go after what i want. he also told me that it would be advisable for me to be a little more outgoing and actually talk to guys i find attractive because most of the time they're too scared to talk to girls. it was a very good conversation and one that i think i really needed.
it just so happened that my friend lauren was having a waffle party at her house that night, but asked me to arrive early and set things up for her because she had to pick her sister up from the airport and didn't think she'd make it back in time.
i was super nervous to be the stand-in host because i didn't really know who would be there, but i went anyway [with the encouragement of my parents]. as i was setting things up, the doorbell rang. i gave myself a mental pep talk as i walked to the door and tried to shake my nerves off.
and when i opened the door, there were five guys from our singles ward standing on the doorstep.
i think Heavenly Father's trying to tell me something.
either that or He has a wonderful sense of humor.
-this song has been on repeat lately.
i love this version of this beautiful hymn.
i think my favorite lines are in the first verse:
"unknown waves before me roll,
hiding rock and treach'rous shoal.
chart and compass came from Thee;
Jesus, Savior, pilot me."
such a beautiful message.
the music of the lower lights has really made me think more about the hymns and how they are a form of prayer and worship. "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me" is a humble, pleading hymn. when we sing it, we are basically telling the Lord that we will go where He wants us. there is a true relationship of trust spoken of in this hymn and i just love it.
-i will be 25 in a mere two weeks.
CRAZY.
i remember when that seemed so old.
-disneyland is happening next month! and i really couldn't be more excited about that! SO psyched!
i've been wanting to post for a while, but nothing noteworthy has happened in my life lately, so i just haven't written anything.
but lately, i've missed it.
i've missed coming here to my little corner of the interwebs and writing about things that most people wouldn't/don't care about.
so, here are five things [and one adorable video] to tide you over until something truly interesting happens in my life.
[and if nothing exciting happens, expect more cat videos]
1. last week at work i was helping out in a classroom and the teacher i was aiding asked me to come up to the front of the class to do something. she is super funny and likes to embarrass me, so as i was walking to the front, she kept saying things like "look at her! so beautiful!" and "isn't she the cutest girl you've ever seen?" i, of course, was completely red in the face [did i ever tell you i was voted class blusher in the sixth grade? well, i was. for a good reason] and awkwardly made my way to the front of the room.
when i got there, the teacher said to one of the students "isn't kellie so beautiful?"
his reply [and this is a direct quote]?
"i think she's ugly as HELL!"
ah, my glamorous life.
don't be jealous.
2. i went to rexburg the weekend before last.
my good friend, aaron patrick mcgregor [or, aawon patwick mcgwegow as he prefers to be called], was moving to texas and i wanted to see him one last time before we were apart for a long, long time.
the saturday that i was there, my friend ryan invited lyndee, lulu and i to go to st. anthony [a nearby town] for a community art walk kind of thing.
it was such an awesome experience and i've been meaning to write about it for a long time.
basically, artists in st. anthony opened their homes to the public and displayed their art in living rooms, kitchens, studios, what have you.
we went to one artist's home [she wasn't there at the time, unfortunately] and took some cool postcard prints of her paintings and talked to [presumably] her little brother, and then moved on to the next home.
it was a beautiful house right by the river and it was owned by an older empty-nester couple who had just moved in a few months ago. the husband graciously let the six of us college-aged kids in and let us wander around his house as we admired his wife's art.
after a few minutes of walking around, we got a chance to meet with the artist herself and after five minutes of talking with her, i had an anne shirley moment.
this woman was my bosom-friend.
she was so inspiring and funny and talented! she was everything i wanted to be!
apparently she had only taken up painting when she was fifty after her husband was called to be a bishop. that really affected her and she ended up feeling very depressed. after a few months of feeling that way, her husband asked her what she wanted to do about it. he asked her what she had always wanted to do in her life and she said, "i want to learn to paint. and i want to play the violin."
so, she did it!
she started taking lessons in both areas and is now a hugely talented artist/violinist.
after she told us that story, i blurted out that i wanted to be her when i grew up.
to that, she replied, "oh, honey! don't wait until you're fifty to play the violin."
that statement was so profound! it really hit me and it pops into my head at least once a day.
don't wait to do something until you're older.
start now.
at the end of our pleasant visit, she hugged each one of us, had us sign her guestbook, and bid us farewell.
and as we walked, i kept exclaiming that i was so inspired! that i wanted to talk with her for hours and hours and how i wanted to be her.
even though i can't remember her name, i'll never forget the way she made me feel.
3. i hate singles wards sometimes.
is it just me, or is it like junior high all over again?
i hated junior high.
4. i miss having an animal around.
i keep flipping between wanting a dog or a cat.
i guess i'm lonely?
5. how sad is it that whitney houston died?
her music has been such a big part of my life!
as a child, i would make up dramatic dance routines to the songs on the bodyguard soundtrack [my favorites were "i have nothing" and "run to you" (for the "run to you" dance, i would run and "slide" underneath the dining room table. very creative)].
i would lipsynch "i will always love you" and practice every trill and inflection her amazing voice would make.
as a college student, my best friend alyx and i would drive around town blasting her self-titled album [especially "how will i know,""the greatest love of all," and "all at once"] and singing at the top of our lungs. it was not pretty, but it was fun, satisfying, and cathartic.
after my first big breakup last summer, i relied on her songs to get me through it. songs like "didn't we almost have it all" [PLEASE watch that video! her performance of it is so incredible!] and "where do broken hearts go" were on a near-constant repeat on my ipod.
and now she's gone.
i'll always remember her as an incredible singer and a huge musical infuence in my life.
first it was etta, now it's whitney.
[celine, please be careful!]
6. i don't want to end this on a sad note, so here is a cute video of a kitten snuggling with a teddy bear [aka the reason why the internet exists]!
but as much as i enjoyed 2011, i'm excited for this new year and a new beginning.
i recently read this post over at a beautiful mess about making and keeping new years resolutions and it really inspired me!
so, as a result, personal goals have been made, and i'm excited to actually achieve them this year!
i usually abandon my new years resolutions after a month, but this year is different [i say this every year but i really mean it this time] and i'm super motivated to work hard and improve myself!
here's hoping that 2012 is just as awesome as 2011 [or better yet, more so]!
today is, as my eleven year-old niece calls it, "christmas adam" [because adam came before eve and tomorrow is christmas eve].
it's been fun around the jorgensen household!
nickel city, cookiebaking, wrapping presents, and lots of eating out [in the immortal words of my father, "hey! we're on vacation!"].
super awesome.
tonight i'm hoping to bake some more treats and watch white christmas and/or elf, two of my very favorite christmas movies.
i hope you all are having a lovely holiday so far!
here are some special christmas songs that are so dear to my heart performed by the best musicians of our generation: garth and kat.
