say my name, say my naaaaaaaaaaaame!

[originally written 11 january 2011]

days like these [0 degrees, frustrating living arrangement, general dislike of most everything] require a special mantra:

"this is your very last winter in the tundra."

repeating that over and over to myself in my mind usually helps.

but, while talking to my mom on the phone today, i realized that i have the wrong attitude about being here.

those who know me well know i loathe rexburg with everything in me [actually, anyone could know that just from reading this blog for five minutes].

although i'm made some truly incredible friends and met some great people,

there are ten bad experiences for every good weekend and a hundred crazy zealots in this town for each bosom friend.

but, i have this nagging thought in the back of my mind that acts as a debbie downer/reality slap and tells me that while right now i'm anticipating the end of my time here, my last day in rexburg will be a day of mixed feelings.

that even while i'm driving away for the very last time and moving out for good, that drive will be a sad one.

that voice reminds me that ten years from now, i'll [partially]forget the pain and frustration and remember the good times i had and wish i could be back in those dorms, that lecture hall, or dumpster diving in the alley by ye olde great harvest.

and frankly, that voice terrifies me.

i don't want to leave this town feeling like i wasted my time or regretted not doing things that i have always wanted to do.

being a college student means constantly gaining wisdom and knowledge both in the classroom and outside of it.

from learning what an apse is to learning how to deal with difficult people, student life is spent in a classroom whether that's a lecture hall or your apartment.

although sometimes i feel like i've learned all i need to learn in the apartment-classroom of my life, i know that is not true.

there is always a lesson to be learned from every roommate, every difficult classmate, and each ward crush that i never did anything about.

i'm not saying these experiences will magically disappear after i leave rexburg, but they probably won't happen as frequently.

it's almost like college life is comparable to cramming for a tough test.

the lessons we learn in higher education will prepare us for experiences we'll have in "real life".

my art readings professor argued that post-grad life is not "real life" and that we need to be content with where we are in life and treat it like "real life".

although i agree with part of that statement, i would say that byu-idaho is not real life. it is the precious few years spent at home as a child before that daunting first day of kindergarten. except this time, i will emerge as a twenty-four year-old woman with confidence in her future instead of a five year-old girl with a death grip on her mom's hand. that fear i felt as a kindergartener will be replaced with relief and joy and excitement.

so, i guess what i'm trying to say in this rambling post is that i'm taking charge of my attitude this semester and enjoying and savoring all the things i probably won't get to do again after i leave this place for good.

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[present day]

it has been forever since i last posted! my excuse is that my classes are kicking my butt and i'm spending my weekends playing as hard as i work.

this weekend was pretty incredible! it started with milkshakes and rock n roll at sammy's on friday. a couple bluesy-type bands played and at one point, i was given a tambourine to play for 30 seconds! it was pretty awesome and fulfilled a dream of mine.

saturday was spent doing homework all. day. long. but then i rewarded myself with a beyonce concert dvd viewing with lyndee and her roommate.

sunday was filled with church, apartment dinner, worst-date stories, she's the man, and a late-night trip to dennys.

today will be a homework day and a going to sleep very early day because i was up until 3:00am last night [PARTY ANIMAL]. lets just say i am very grateful for having no school today.

thanks, MLK!