in which i copy my oldest sister, share exciting news and a photograph, and think about the future.

[taking a cue from/copying k1...]

who has two thumbs and is one hundred percent done with her second-to-last-semester of college?

THIS GIRL!

[this psychotic self-portrait* is brought to you by a severe lack of sleep and sustenance.]

oh man, i can't even express adequately with words [i use that phrase a lot] how relieved and happy i am.

soon i will be packing up my life [again] and moving [again] and cleaning [again] and going HOME!

i can't can't wait until i'm home.

i've felt so much love for my family this semester. i can't put my finger on why exactly, but i've appreciated and missed them all so much more this semester than ever before. it will be glorious to see them all again so soon! i wish kris and jenn and their ninos could be there, too.

it's all very surreal to think about how close i am to finishing.

it kind of freaks me out.

i mean, school is all i know! it's kind of scary to think about suddenly not doing something you've been doing your entire life.

but that doesn't mean i'm not excited to be done soon!

just because school has ended [temporarily] for me doesn't mean my life is over or that there are no more adventures to be had.

it means just the opposite!

more adventures!

more interesting people!

more life to be lived!

exciting!

you know what else is exciting?

taking everything off my walls and sorting all my dirty clothes so i can do ten million loads of laundry tomorrow!

which is what i should be doing right now.

the next time i post something, i'll be HOME!

that is, unless i get bored tomorrow whilst cleaning.

scratch that first sentence.

expect some crazy cleaning product fumes-induced posts tomorrow!

FUN!

*funny thing: in my 20th century art history class, we had student presentations on modern artists [from the 70s until present-day [i did mine on christo and jeanne-claude. it was killer. if you're lucky and ask real nice, maybe i'll do an encore presentation (you actually don't even have to ask me to do it at all. i'll just do it whether you want it or not)] the last month or so of the semester. i noticed that at least ten of my fellow classmates said the following while showing examples of their artists' works, self-portraits in particular, "...and this is a self-portrait of him/herself."

oh, so that wasn't a self-portrait of the artist's mother/father/significant other/child/pet dog rufus/living space?

interesting...

finals week: a collection of haiku written by yours truly at 2:23:13 in the morning.

(1)

it is two a.m.

haven't spoken to a soul

since this afternoon.

(2)

living on candy

and frozen burritos from

my local walgreens.

(3)

my mind is not here.

it's getting its passport stamped.

business or pleasure?

(4)

at this point, all i

want to do is examine

my eyelids. bed time.

(5)

this is the last one.

i am not very good at

writing poetry.

(6)

just kidding. i lied.

i will write one more haiku.

this is it. the end.

fotos y cuadernos y blah-blah blah blah blaaaaaaaaaah!

in my mind, it's already spring break.

in reality, it's day one of finals week.

this is a problem.

at this point, i'm so burned out and sick of school that all i want to do is dance around my room to this song.

if i can survive the next two days, i will be very relieved indeed.

growin' up.

[this was wayyyyy harder to do than it looks!]

today i am twenty-four years old.

it's kind of weird to think about.

in some ways, i feel old [but i think that's just because i'm still in rexburg where everyone is nineteen],

but in a lot of ways, i still feel like a teenager [thank you, acne and awkwardness].

i think twenty-four will be a big year for me.

i'm graduating from college,

applying for internships,

and my future is a complete mystery.

but i kind of like it that way!

i feel like there's something big over the horizon.

i'm hoping it's a new adventure abroad,

or in a new city [nyc, perhaps?],

or with new people.

either way, i'm scaredexcited for the future

and i can't wait to see what's in store for me!

thanks to all for the birthday greetings!

i love and adore each one of you!

i want those two hours of my life back.

i just made homemade samoas.

HUGELY DISAPPOINTING.

the cookie part was absolutely disgusting, i didn't have enough chocolate to drizzle over all of them, and i'm just ticked off beyond belief.

what a let-down.

it took me two hours to bake and assemble them and i can't even think about eating any of them [which is probably a good thing].

i wish i had waited until i got home to try them. my mom always knows how to fix things.

oh well! at least i tried, right?

food, glorious food!

i've been obsessed with food blogs lately.

actually, i've mostly just been obsessed with smitten kitchen.

beautiful photographs, delicious and simple food, and great writing make this blog a good read.

i plan on cooking a lot while i'm home for spring break.

in fact, i just might give my mom a break and cook the whole week i'm home!

here are some recipes from smitten kitchen that i'm dying to try:

-baked spinach

-spring panzanella

-peanut sesame noodles

-ratatouille

-huevos rancheros

-chana masala

-lime yogurt cake with blackberry sauce

-arroz con leche

don't all of those dishes look mouthwatering??

i'm just itching to cook right now!

do you have any favorite food blogs i should know about?

or any foolproof recipes you'd like to share?

ps: i'm DYING to make these!

i missed girl scout cookies this year [AGAIN], and have been craving samoas [and thin mints] for a long, long time.

i don't think i can wait until spring break to attempt these.

happy weekend!

in honor of the weekend, enjoy this fun/awesome video!

i would have all of you know that i do this almost every morning to pump myself up [although i'm usually listening to beyonce and i've never recorded myself doing it].

it WORKS.

this too shall pass.

we watched this today in my 20th century art history class and for some reason, it made my eyes well up with tears.

we're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year.

right now i have more half-written posts than i know what to do with, but all i can think about is the following excerpt from a book i read for a class:

"All things change according to the state we are in. Nothing is fixed. I lived once in the top of a house, in a little room, in Paris. I was a student. My place was a romance. It was a mansard room and it had a small square window that looked out over housetops, pink chimney pots. I could see l'Institut, the Pantheon, and the Tour Saint Jacques. The tiles of the floor were red and some of them were broken and got out of place. There was a little stove, a wash basin, a pitcher, piles of my studies. Some hung on the wall, others accumulated dust on their backs. My bed was a cot. It was a wonderful place. I cooked two meals and ate dinner outside. I used to keep the camembert out of the window on the mansard roof between meals, and I made fine coffee, and made much of eggs and macaroni. I studied and thought, made compositions, wrote letters home full of hope of some day being an artist.

It was wonderful. But days came when hopes looked black and my art student's paradise was turned into a dirty little room with broken tiles, ashes fell from the stove, it was all hopelessly poor, I was tired of camembert and eggs and macaroni, and there wasn't a shade of significance in those delicate little chimney pots, or the Pantheon, the Institut, or even the Tour Saint Jacques."

--Robert Henri, The Art Spirit--

i relate to this a lot.

sometimes when i'm walking around rexburg or sitting in class or listening to music in my room, i feel like i'm in my own little student's paradise.

but days come when my paradise turns into nothing but a swamp. rexburg is magically unveiled to be a dinky little town, my classes are suddenly full of pious people, and my apartment stays clean for maybe an hour tops.

but i feel like, after my time here is done, i'll remember more of the paradise and less of the swamp.

i want to remember the late-night ramirez runs,

the shows every weekend,

how every time i go to the library something funny happens,

bike rides to walmart in the warm summer evenings,

and

having true friends who know and understand me.

at least, i hope that's what happens after graduation.

let's hit the road, friend of mine.

sometimes when i'm walking around rexburg i play yann tiersen [specifically the song posted above], close my eyes, and pretend i'm in paris.

and sometimes it feels so real i can almost smell fresh baguettes and cigarette smoke [and whatever else paris smells like] and hear the car horns and beautiful, lilting conversations in francais.

i need to get out of this country.

it's been a while.

so, it's been a little over two weeks since i've posted.

since my last post i have...

seen many many movies

gone to lots and lots of shows

registered for my very last semester at byu-idaho

been hassled by an idiot at a show

sung at karaoke a few times

attended the most awkward fhe of my life [more on that later]

taken a couple of tests

acquired a new obsession: food blogs [specifically this one]

experienced the first rain of the year [SPRING!]

spent way too much time daydreaming about summer

watched the second and third lord of the rings movies... and actually enjoyed myself

walked all over rexburg

listened to the classic indie pandora station every day [great homework music!]

been duped by byuidaho [again]

dreamed of disneyland [only 5ish more months!]

AND

started thinking of research paper topics for my senior paper.

it's been a busy two weeks.

but only four more weeks until this semester is over!

HOORAY!

day 30: my favorite song at this time last year

[can you believe it's day thirty already?? i just have to say, i loved this thirtydaychallenge! it was so fun and i actually learned a little more about myself. thanks for reading.]

----------

last year i downloaded a music sampler from amazon.

usually, when i download one of those, i listen to one song once and forget about the rest.

this song was the only one i listened to.

but after i listened to it once, i listened to it again.

and again.

and again.

it got to the point where i had to ration how many times i listened to it because i didn't want to get sick of it.

i still love it to this day.

the hymnlike harmonies in the chorus hook me every single time.

what a great song to end this challenge on!

day 29: a song from my childhood

[this video is deliciously 90s.]

back when we lived in maryland, i had a bus driver who listened to an r&b station.

i remember hearing this song, some tlc, and kriss kross on that station and i think that's why i love hip hop and r&b so much now.

anyway.

we had a boyz ii men tape at the time and i would rollerblade up and down my driveway playing this song over and over again.

every time i hear it, i'm back in pg county, dancing like a maniac in the living room and making up dance routines with my sister, kari.

those were the days.

day 28: a song i wish i could play

i love love love the accordion.

and in my wildest dreams, i can play this song with my eyes closed.

we used to wait.

i was first introduced to arcade fire in 2006 by my sister, kirsten.

she was showing me a slideshow she had made on her new computer and had "neighborhood #1 (tunnels)" playing in the background.

it was love at first note.

in 2007 they came to thanksgiving point in utah.

on a weekday.

the third week of fall semester.

i was stuck in stupid rexburg and i cried in my room while listening to an npr podcast of an arcade fire concert wishing i could be there.

kirsten, the good sister that she is, called me a few times so i could be there by phone and i thought that was the closest i would ever get to see them live.

and now, 3.5ish years later, i will get closer.

so close, in fact, that i will actually be in the same venue as them,

breathing the same air,

singing the same words.

on april 11th, 2011 magic will happen.

thanks to that same sweet sister who introduced me to the band, i will be seeing them LIVE right down the street from my parents' house and

I

CAN'T

WAIT

!

i can guarantee you that i will be the girl crying in the stands when they play this song.

FOURHUNDRED!

so, guess what!

this is my 400th post!

400 POSTS!

can you believe it?? i can hardly believe it myself!

it feels like i just posted my 300th post yesterday.

in honor of this post, i will now do 400 cartwheels in a row.

....

done!

[i don't think people in this library ever learned from their mothers that staring is rude...]

thanks for reading, dear friends and family.

----------------

in other news...

i've noticed a change in myself lately.

i haven't gotten a dramatic haircut or a nosejob or anything.

it's more of a feeling than an alteration in my appearance.

i realized the other day that i am perfectly content and happy with this phase of my life.

although there are some things i would love to change [my current location comes to mind], i am, for the most part, overjoyed to be a student/single/almost 24 years old.

i know now and realize how vital it is to learn to be happy in whatever stage of life you're in, no matter what you're going through or where you are.

i have a friend who constantly complains that she's still single. she's my age, yet she feels like she's an old maid already.

i can't count how many times i've told her to just forget about that and learn to be content with her life at this point because she'll never get another chance to relive her life.

i've told her time and time again that being married or having a boyfriend won't magically make her happy.

after all, how can you be happy if you're always pining away for the future?

i know that graduation and leaving rexburg FOREVER won't magically make me an infinitely happier person [although it will help].

i will always hate this place.

BUT, that doesn't mean i can't be happy while i'm here.

if you're unhappy right now, may i suggest that you

write down things you're grateful for!

do one thing each day that makes you happy!

do some service for someone else!

hug a tree!

hold a baby!

cook a delicious meal!

watch singin in the rain!

and be happy now.

day 27: a song i can play

this is one of two songs i have memorized [the other one is fur elise (i think everyone on earth has that song memorized)].

over christmas break, my sister and i played it and sang it and it was one of the funniest moments of my life.

just because.

day 26: a song that makes me laugh

this song, "loving you" by minnie riperton cracks me up every. single. time.

and it's not the lyrics,

or even the vocal stylings,

it's the fact that it was featured in the following hilarious scene of the movie megamind [which i highy recommend!].

tooooooo funny.

day 25: a song i want played at my funeral

i remember the first time i ever heard this hymn.

i was in high school in my old ward in spokane, and i was overcome with emotion.

i related to the lyrics and was filled with the love of my Savior.

i've heard it many times since then, the last time being at the dedication of the byui center. the combined choirs and orchestra performed this rendition and i held back the waterworks until the last verse. when the orchestra builds up and the strings kick in, something amazing happens. i can't quite put my finger on it, but a feeling of pure love enters my heart every single time i hear it.

ideally, i'd want the grand and glorious edition at my funeral, but i think it's more fitting to have a version like sufjan's simple and humble rendition.

[watch sufjan peform this song live by clicking here!]

highlights!

last week was pretty awesome.

-i was completely spoiled and received a beautiful print done by my sister-in-law, a valentine and mix cd from talia, a valentine and polaroid photo from my niece and nephews, and another valentine from my parents in the mail.

-me and my friend matt sang "roses" by outkast at karaoke night in front of about six people. near the end of the song, after singing the chorus for the third time, we cried out "everybody!" and pointed our mics toward the crowd only to hear complete silence on their end. it reminded me of this snl skit:

-after karaoke, matt and i reminisced with my old roommate, becca, who just got engaged. i miss winter of 2010. what a great semester! the people i met that semester have remained great friends and i'm so grateful i have them in my life.

-spicy pork burrito from the taco bus. INCREDIBLE.

-me and my friend katie try to hang out every thursday. this thursday was so fun! we didn't even really do anything super special. we just hung out at her house and talked. but it was so much fun and i love seeing her [and her cute little girl, madysen] every week!

-i got to see my friend aaron's band, corsair wolves, perform at sammys on friday night. it was such a great show. it's always more fun to go to shows when you know the people who are playing.

-i have the best friends in the world. i'm so grateful for justin and lyndee and nikki and katie. if they weren't here in rexburg with me, i would go crazy. i love how we can talk for hours and not run out of things to say. i love laughing with them [and at them--haha] and swapping funny stories. in short, i just love them. so much.

-true grit is at the cheap seats! i had to cover my eyes a few times, but MAN that movie was good! and the donuts me and lyndee snuck into the theater were DELICIOUS [got integrity, lyndee? haha].

-broulim's is selling the most delicious oranges for 38cents a pound. i bought five on friday and three of them are gone already.

-i have officially applied for graduation! the end is near!

-i had to read this talk for one of my classes and it was just what i needed.

here's hoping this week is as good [or better]!

day 24: two songs i want to play at my wedding

because i couldn't pick just one.

day 23: a song that i work out to

when it comes to working out, daft punk is the basically the only thing i listen to.

what's on your workout playlist?

day 22: a song i listen to whilst driving

hands down the BEST driving song ever [and not just because it has the word "car" in the title]!

i always have to keep an eye on the speedometer while listening, though, because i tend to speed a little...

if i'm not in the mood for arcade fire [hahahahaha that's funny], i usually just listen to a song i like to sing along with. i'm totally that person drumming on the steering wheel and singing at the top of my lungs in the car.

i fear for my future children.

what songs do you like to listen to in the car?

on a road trip?

do you prefer music or talk radio?

a dream come true and a guilty pleasure

remember this post?

well, i no longer have to pine for a true oldies station, because blessed pandora has bestowed on me the beautiful gift of the supremes/temptations station.

lots and lots of motown [with some beach boys, rascals, beatles and ritchie valens added in for good measure]!!

i almost feel like i'm back in that big gray van we had back in the day listening to the oldies station and being quizzed on the different bands by my dad.

if you're looking for a good oldies station, i HIGHLY RECOMMEND this one!

----------------

i saw a show called "genuine ken: the search for the great american boyfriend" advertised on hulu and, needing a good laugh, decided to check it out.

it.

is.

HILARIOUS!

it's a competition-based reality show featuring eight different guys vying for the title of "genuine ken".

it's probably the worst reality show i've ever seen.

the things those guys say...

one of them said that a guy was having "an outer-body experience."

another said his outfit for a style challenge was "fly" and then ended his interview by saying "RESPECT."

yet another guy didn't know what spinach looked like during a cooking challenge. SPINACH!

during a surfing challenge, a guy was "terrified of the ocean" and wouldn't even go into the water until "compassionate ken" came and coaxed him into the water like a mother coaxes her child to eat his vegetables. in any other reality show competition, if someone doesn't participate in the challenge, he/she is penalized. but this guy was praised for "facing his fears".

here's a little video featuring the contestants:

see? it's a show about a bunch of lunkheads ["i've got a mohawk and a star shaved in my hair!" "i believe i'm goodlooking... and i'm grateful for that."].

yet, i can't stop watching it.

[it's like "dating in the dark" all over again.]

the best part about the show is the fact that there isn't a single advantage or incentive to win the competition other than to be given the title of "genuine ken". so, while watching it, you keep asking yourself/yelling at the screen "WHAT IS THE POINT OF IT ALL??"

in conclusion, i would never in a billion years even consider going on a date with any of these guys. but that doesn't mean i won't watch them say/do really stupid things every single week.

day 21: a song i listen to when i'm angry

muse: the perfect soundtrack for all your frustrations and bouts of anger.

i only listen to muse when i'm angry.

or working out.

which makes me angry.

what is your go-to anger/frustration song?

day 20: a song from my favorite album

my all-time favorite album in the history of music is none other than pet sounds by the beach boys. if you haven't heard it from start to finish, that should probably change.

one of my favorite tracks is "you still believe in me". the vocals are incredible and almost hymn-like and the lyrics are sensitive and describe how incredible it is to have someone believe in you even when you're at your lowest.

give it a listen.

[i also really like m. ward's interpretation of this gorgeous song.]

what about you?

what is your favorite album?

day 19: a song i wish i heard on the radio

oldies stations just aren't the same anymore.

they used to feature the supremes and elvis and buddy holly.

and now it's all chicago and journey and the rolling stones.

maybe one day i'll start my own real oldies station!

valentines day part deux

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY [again]!

day 18: my favorite love song

so, i'm cheating on my thirty day challenge.

today's post was supposed to feature a song i wish i heard on the radio, but since it's valentines day and day twenty-eight's question is really stupid [a song that makes me feel guilty? i don't remember the song that was playing when i robbed that bank...], i'm going to talk about my favorite love song today and a song i wish i heard on the radio tomorrow and do away with day twenty-eight.

whew!

alright, let's light this candle!

here is my all-time favorite love song, "i'm glad there is you" as performed by ella fitzgerald.

as usual, ella kills it [in a good way].

i love the lyrics and hope that someday i fully understand and experience a love like this.

in other words, i want a love like cliff and clair huxtable.

[click that link! you won't be disappointed! it makes me cry every. single. time.]

happy valentines day, everybody!

have i told you lately that i love you?

if i haven't, i am very sorry.

let me tell you now in three languages:

i love you.

te amo.

je t'aime.

day 17: a song i hear on the radio often

i don't really listen to the radio here in rexburg [too many country stations], but i listened to the radio a lot last summer with hannah banana in the car, and i feel like this song was on the radio ALL. THE. TIME.

i'm now completely and one hundred percent sick of it.

l'amour

in honor of valentines day on monday, here is a playlist featuring some of my favorite love songs.

enjoy!

ps: what is your favorite love song?

pps: if you have a significant other, do you have a special song?

day 16: a song that i used to love but now hate

this is completely humiliating.

when i was 14, i loved this song.

i put it on my very first mix cd.

i listened to it on repeat.

thank GOODNESS i'm over that phase in my musical life.

day 15: a song that describes me

day 14: a song that no one would expect me to love

this was difficult.

i feel like my music tastes are pretty eclectic.

i mean, i love basically every genre of music, or at least a couple artists in each genre [i'm looking at you contemporary country], so it was hard for me to find a song that people wouldn't necessarily expect me to like.

but, here it is.

opera.

nessun dorma is the most beautiful aria ever written.

i melt every time i hear it.

and there you have it.

now the world knows that i, kellie olivia jorgensen, am a closet operaphile.

so, who wants to take me to see one??

day 13: my guilty pleasure song

josh groban is my guilty pleasure.

when my parents were travelling last summer, i would do the dishes late at night and blast josh groban in the kitchen.

there might have been some broom-dancing, as well.

what can i say?

old habits die hard.

and this song is beautiful.

day 12: a song from a band i hate

i have no idea why, but people in spokane are OBSESSED with dave matthews. i think he came to the gorge every single summer and it was THE event of the year.

honestly, i don't know what the big deal is.

to me, his voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

i have to say, though, it was pretty funny that this song was featured on a recent office episode when dwight, darryl, and andy go to the roller rink and andy requests that the dj play dave matthews deep cuts. hahhha. perfect.

day 11: a song from my favorite band

officially, the beach boys are my favorite band.

BUT, the swell season is my favorite band that's still together.

my sister, kari, calls their music bore-core, but i call it ethereal.

glen hansard has the most passionate voice i've ever heard and marketa irglova is otherworldly.

here's my favorite song from their most recent album, strict joy. i think it's the perfect album-opener.

my favorite part: the horns in the very beginning, the bass line, and the lead guitar part during the chorus.

enjoy!

ps: don't you just love glen's guitar??

day 10: a song that makes me fall asleep

i usually like to fall asleep to the radio [npr to be specific], but sometimes the only thing that can lull me to sleep is the lars and the real girl soundtrack. david torn did the music for this movie and each song is soothing and sweet. i'm usually completely asleep by the second song on the album, but i love love love this track [which i never get to hear].

enjoy!

day 9: a song that makes me dance

again, this surprises no one.

BUT, this song never fails to make me dance!

other jams:

-ready for the floor // hot chip

-yeah! // usher

-shake // ying yang twins

day 8: a song i know all the words to

i don't think this is surprising to anyone.

day 7: a song that reminds me of a certain event

let's go back in time to the year 2001.

i was a fourteen year-old eighth grade student at petaluma junior high school. it was the last dance of the school year, but it was my first school dance ever.

i was excited and nervous and praying that someone didn't spike the punch and that at least one boy would ask me to dance. i remember daydreaming in the days leading up to the dance that my blue mohawk-wearing crush, holland, would come ask me to dance and we would fall in love and live happily ever after.

however, at the time, a seventh-grader named nick had a crush on me. i knew this because earlier in the school year he walked up to me, handed me a note, and promptly ran away. the note consisted of a confession of his love, a request for me to be his girlfriend, and two little boxes labelled "yes" and "no". instead of putting a check mark in one of the boxes, i decided to just talk to him and tell him to his face that i didn't like him as a boyfriend. it actually went over well and we became good friends.

i remember standing with my friends in a circle, laughing nervously and feeling self-concious when all of a sudden "truly madly deeply" by savage garden started playing. i felt someone tap my shoulder and i turned around to see nick standing behind me asking me to dance.

he led me out to the dance floor and with each step i panicked more and more. i had seen actors slow dance in movies, but i had never done it before myself.

i was a huge ball of nerves.

this was my first slow dance and i wanted it to be special.

i took a cue from the other girls dancing with their boyfriends and placed my hands on his shoulders and started swaying.

i expected to feel his hands on my hips because that's what all the boys were doing, but his hands ended up on my shoulders.

it was weird.

so, for approximately four minutes and twenty-two seconds, we swayed in a circle with our hands on each other's shoulders, enjoying our very first (and very last) slow dance.

to this day, i can still feel those sweaty seventh-grader hands on my shoulders every time i hear this song. and i think of that fateful night when i learned that there is a right way and a weird way to slow dance.

day 6: a song that reminds me of somewhere

this song is cuenca, ecuador august 2009.

whenever i hear it, i think of the sweetest ninos, the most delicious food, gorgeous weather, happiness, and a sense of belonging.

the second our plane landed in cuenca, i felt like i was home.

i miss it every single day.

i miss being happy, being warm, serving others, holding babies, washing little faces, dance parties on the balcony, lots and lots of hugs, and feeling needed.

my little ninos knew this song by heart and would always sing it to us [sometimes we'd have to bribe them with candy]. i miss that.

i probably won't ever get the chance to physically go back to ecuador, but at least i know that i can be there mentally whenever i hear this song.

i tried. i swear i tried.

i know i said i wouldn't do this anymore, but when i walked past that neatly-stacked pile of byu-idaho's "student-run" newspaper, the scroll, last week i couldn't help myself.

old habits die hard, right?

anydangway, the front page of the newspaper had the following headline: "Rexburg Rapes Revealed as Underreported". the article was surprisingly well-written and informative! but then the author included this lovely statement from the rexburg police captain: "Police Captain Randy Lewis believes that rapes are actually over-reported, because women feel ashamed after having consensual sex".

can you believe that?? and this was stated right after a nurse in rexburg who is specially-trained to help rape victims said that there are more rapes that occur in this city than we may think.

reading that statement from a man who is in charge of protecting this city made me feel sick to my stomach.

as if it couldn't get any worse, reading a letter to the editor that was published in the scroll this week in response to the article made me feel even more upset. the subject line says "Rape article poorly placed" and here it is for all fifteen of you to read:

"I have been disappointed with the Scroll on a number of issues lately, but the choice of last week's front page story evokes only one adjective: distasteful.

I really would like to know who thought an article about rape would make a great headline.

I know there are unfavorable things that need to be reported, but I think the front page could have been reserved for something for inspiring, or at least positive.

I understand an article such as this one might give girls who have been wronged more courage to stand up for themselves. I wonder, though, if the article might send a different message to deviant young men.

I know we all agreed to live by the honor code, and I am impressed by most of the students I know.

I think there are still those (of both genders) who might go astray given the chance.

To that faction of male students, I think the article seems to say, 'Rape cases are underreported in Rexburg, so you have a pretty good chance of getting away with something you know you shouldn't do.'

This statement might upset some, but I wonder whether anybody had the same concern when they picked up the Scroll on Tuesday."

you best believe i'm writing a letter to the editor about this.

sorry, homework. you're going to be put on the back burner tonight.

stay tuned for my response.

day 5: a song that reminds me of someone

me and my very best friend alyx met almost six years ago (!!!!) here at byu-idaho. back in 2005, we were little college freshman girls who enjoyed rooney, cookie monsters, cleaning the kitchen with celine dion blasting in the background, playing pranks on our weird roommates, having balancing contests on the arms of the couch [which i always lost. ALWAYS], and talking for hours in our room until i would pretend to fall asleep so she'd be quiet [haha].

now, five and a half years later, we're in completely different states leading different lives. she's a wife and a mother of the most adorable baby boy on the planet [i'm allowed to say that now because all my nephews are past the baby stage] and i'm a college student [still] living the single life. but even though we don't see each other or talk as much as we used to, there isn't a single day that goes by without me thinking of her. i miss her so much and wish we lived closer [oh, crap. here come the tears].

i could've picked so many songs that remind me of alyx [i.e. if it were up to me by rooney, it's all coming back to me now by celine dion, ice ice baby by vanilla ice, an innocent man by billy joel, that song by colors that chelise used to listen to all the time, wind beneath my wings by bette midler (we still need to watch beaches together!), the greatest love of all by whitney houston, the dawsons creek theme song, and any song from high school musical (hahaha)], but the one that sticks out in my mind the most is "displaced" by azure ray. we never listened to this song together or had any shared experience that somehow was connected to this song, but whenever i hear it, i think of her when i hear these words:

"and she's my friend of all friends,

she's still here when everyone's gone.

she doesn't have to say a thing,

we'll just keep laughing all night long."

it's fitting that orenda fink and maria taylor [aka azure ray] are best friends in real life. their friendship inspired this song and their words make me feel so grateful for my own best friend. when i hear this song, i recall all the good memories we have had together [most of which are written down (thanks to alyx!) and probably need to be made into a book of memoirs] and thank my lucky stars that i have such an incredible best friend in my life.

i'm so grateful that alyx and i met that fateful august day in 2005 and that our first impressions of each other were dead-wrong [we didn't like each other at all! can you believe that?].

and, alyx, thanks for being my friend of all friends.

i miss you.

because yesterday and today were that horrible...

ten good things:

1. watching the goonies yesterday with some of my favorite rexburgians.

2. banana cake with cinnamon cream cheese frosting [made by my roommate].

3. receiving my memory card for my camera in an uplifting card from my wonderful mom.

4. receiving a letter from none other than miss megarilla haslambs who is in the mtc!

5. laughing like crazy in my spanish class.

6. quinoa and rice with curry for dinner on a bone-chilling cold day.

7. making a flyer with mr. t on it for the ward talent show on wednesday.

8. finally getting done with plato and aristotle in my art philosophy class and going on to reading excerpts from leonardo da vinci's journals! fascinating!

9. having my second class cancel on me so i could have more time to check off the items on my to-do list.

10. being reminded, once again, of my saint of a mother. she deals with my ranty phone calls all the time and i'm sure she's sick of them, but she still deals with me and makes me feel better. she's the greatest mom on earth.

that was a lot easier than i thought it would be!

and now i feel better!

ps: i'm loving this thirty day music challenge. so. much. it's way fun! i encourage everyone with a love of music to join me!

thirtydaychallenge[day4]: a song that makes me sad

when i was a freshman here at byui, i took a class called american heritage. my teacher was stern, strict, and used teaching methods that didn't work for my brain. final grades in his class consisted of attendance and the four monster tests he gave throughout the semester. i went into the testing center to take my very first test for that class, felt confident about it while taking it, and was immediately flummoxed when i looked at the screen displaying my grade: D-.

i was devastated.

i remember walking home to my dorm, flopping on the couch, and listening to this song on repeat. maybe i should have listened to something a little more upbeat, but sometimes you just want to be sad for a while. and for me at that time in my life, this song was just the ticket. ever since that day, this has been my go-to bad day song. it's perfectly melancholy.

thirtydaychallenge[day3]: a song that makes me happy

the first time i ever heard this song, i was with my brother karl in the jorgensen minivan on our way home from the library. karl had checked out an electric light orchestra album so he put it in the cd player and we laughed and smiled the whole way home. it was a scene out of a movie [speaking of which... i've heard this song in so many movies recently. weird].

it's impossible to listen to this song and not feel energized afterwards.

try it.

i triple dog dare you.

the most perfect postcard secret and neko case

"how will you know if you found me at last?

cause i'll be the one, be the one, be the one with my heart in my lap."

--from "i wish i was the moon" by neko case--

thirtydaychallenge[day2]: my least favorite song

this might sound crazy, but it was way harder thinking of my least favorite song than it was thinking of my most favorite song.

but i'm pretty sure this is it. the very worst of the worst.

runners up:

-groovy kind of love // phil collins

-blah blah blah // ke$ha

-feelin groovy // simon and garfunkel

thirtydaychallenge[day1]: my favorite song.

this was nearly impossible for me to pick. but i am 99.9% certain that it is my all-time favorite song.

why, you ask?

1. it is sung by the beach boys, my very first favorite band.

2. it is sung by carl wilson, my very favorite beach boy.

3. it describes love in a beautiful way.

4. that falsetto... it KILLS me!

5. it never fails to make me smile.

so, without further ado, i bring you my very favorite song in the history of songs...

i can hear music by the beach boys

CHALLENGE!

i saw this thirty day song challenge on brooke white's blog. you may remember her from american idol a few seasons back. anyway! she posted recently about doing this challenge and after reading it the list, i knew i just had to do it, too.

i've been running out of things to say on this blog that don't have to do with my disdain for all things byu-idaho, but i still wanted to blog more, so this is a good way for me to stick to my new year's resolution of being more positive and my other new year's resolution to blog more!

WIN-WIN-WIN!

without further ado, here's the list:

Day 01 – Your favorite song

Day 02 – Your least favorite song

Day 03 – A song that makes you happy

Day 04 – A song that makes you sad

Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone

Day 06 – A song that reminds of you of somewhere

Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event

Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to

Day 09 – A song that you can dance to

Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep

Day 11 – A song from your favorite band

Day 12 – A song from a band you hate

Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure

Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love

Day 15 – A song that describes you

Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate

Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio

Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 – A song from your favorite album

Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry

Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you're driving

Day 22 – A song that you work out to

Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding

Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral

Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh

Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument

Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play

Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty

Day 29 – A song from your childhood

Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year

care to join me in this challenge?

DEREZZED!

there is nothing more beautiful than a clear-blue-skied winter day after a night of snowfall.

in fact, it was so beautiful out that i ventured out to the grocery to get some ingredients for "family" dinner tomorrow and came home a complete sweaty mess.

i love looking out my big window and seeing the snow-covered branches glistening in the sunlight.

absolutely gorgeous.

---------------------

in other news...

i saw this movie last night!

it was AWESOME.

if you ever see lyndee, ask her how much i liked it.

she'll probably reply by saying i was freaking out the whole time [in a good way].

especially when this song started playing after the daft punk cameos!

GO SEE IT.

numero tres.

Baby's First Audition from alex on Vimeo.

my name is bundaberg ginger beer and i'm a non-alcoholic beverage.

a lot of funny things seem to happen to me here in idaho.

take, for instance, the time i was sitting at a desk writing a paper and the guy sitting behind me accidentally ran his fingers through my hair while leaning backwards to stretch his back.

or, the time my roommate and i were walking through the library past a few celebrity caricatures done by illustration students and she pointed out the one of jack black and called him my boyfriend right when a guy i had never seen before in my life walked the opposite way. he looked at us like we were insane and kept walking and that's when we realized that he thought my roommate had called him my boyfriend. we laughed about that one for about ten minutes.

but this experience i'm about to relate [at the behest of my dear sister, kirsten], might possibly take the cake.

one day, i went to broulims to get some essentials with my old roommate, tanya. i bought sticky-tac, address labels, and bundaberg ginger beer [i highly recommend it]. it was a beautiful, sunny day and i smiled the whole way home, thinking about the cold, frosty ginger beer i would consume with my pita and hummus sandwich i would have for dinner. when i got home, i stuck the 4-pack in my fridge and took a nap. i woke up a couple hours later and made my delicious sandwich, took my now-cold bottle of ginger beer out of the fridge, and turned on the tv to watch gilmore girls.

pure bliss.

however, that bliss was interrupted when a roommate of mine came home. after exchanging a few pleasantries, the confrontation began. here's how it went down:

her (looking very nervous and serious): kellie, i have a question to ask you.

me (feeling very nervous): uh, okay. shoot.

her: is that your beer in the fridge?

me: you mean ginger beer? yeah, it's mine.

her: well, me and our other roommates found it in the fridge and just assumed it was yours. we don't feel comfortable having alcohol in the house.

me (trying desperately not to laugh/scream): you know it's not really beer, right?

her: but it says beer on the bottle...

me: no, it says "non-alcoholic ginger beer" on the bottle. it's just like root beer or ginger ale.

her: oh! well, that's a relief! while you were napping, we knocked on your door so we could have a discussion about the word of wisdom with you. i'm glad it's not really alcohol.

me: uh, yeah. me too.

a few hours later, that roommate's friends came over. i stayed in my room with the door closed to keep myself from saying something to her i would [possibly] later regret. but through that closed door, i heard her tell each one of her friends to open up the fridge and look inside because there was something in there that would "freak them out".

each one of them did just that.

the moral of this story is: if you're going to snoop on other people, make sure you do your research [and maybe read the clearly-labeled bottle] before you make any snap judgments.

and hide your real beer in the mini-fridge in your room*.

*just in case the honor code police are reading this, i am 100% JOKING ABOUT THIS and DO NOT condone the hiding of alcohol in any way.

have you had your daily dose of charming today?

She & Him - Don't Look Back from Merge Records on Vimeo.

i'm never taking a nap ever again.

i felt like i was walking through haze all day today.

something didn't feel right.

i knew i was tired from a couple of late nights this week,

so i decided to take a nap.

as i climbed under my covers, i curled up in a little ball, smiled [i discovered this about myself the other night--as i'm drifting off to sleep, i have a huge smile on my face. i guess i love the feeling of being all snuggly and warm in my bed], and fell asleep.

BAD IDEA.

the second i woke up, i had a terrible headache.

it felt like someone or something was inside my brain pounding on my eyeballs.

i got out of bed, and was hit by a sudden wave of nausea.

stumbling to the bathroom, i sat by the toilet and waited for whatever was making my stomach angry to resurface,

but nothing happened.

so, i trudged back to my room, rubbed peppermint oil on my temples, drank a baby coke and took a walk.

when i got back home, my headache was gone,

my nausea had subsided,

and i felt infinitely better.

today i am grateful for caffeine,

peppermint oil,

understanding friends,

minimal homework,

and

winter walks in the brisk, cool air.

sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry

yesterday was monday, martin luther king day, a day off, and the first fhe of the semester.

after we had played a game called "smurf" [what is it with mormons and weird group games??] and got to know each other a little better, one of my new fhe brothers struck up a conversation with me. he was a nice guy, slightly nerdy, and when he asked me what my major was, the conversation took an interesting turn. it went a little something like this:

him: so, what's your major?

me: art history.

him: oh... i'm sorry!

me: uh... why are you apologizing to me?

him: i don't know. it just seems like such a boring major. what do you even study, anyway? art and the history behind it?

me: uh... yeah. that's exactly what i study as an art history major. it's actually way more interesting than you think it is. i love it!

him: oh, okay.

me: so, what's your major?

him: healthcare administration.

me: oh, I'M SORRY!

him: ...

me: just kidding.

i'm sad to say that this is not the first time this has happened to me. i don't get it! why is art history such a turn-off to some people? it's a fascinating subject! i wish everyone who has dissed art history had to take a class so they could learn for themselves how awesome it is.

i guess in the meantime, i'll just have to give the ignoramuses a taste of their own medicine.

say my name, say my naaaaaaaaaaaame!

[originally written 11 january 2011]

days like these [0 degrees, frustrating living arrangement, general dislike of most everything] require a special mantra:

"this is your very last winter in the tundra."

repeating that over and over to myself in my mind usually helps.

but, while talking to my mom on the phone today, i realized that i have the wrong attitude about being here.

those who know me well know i loathe rexburg with everything in me [actually, anyone could know that just from reading this blog for five minutes].

although i'm made some truly incredible friends and met some great people,

there are ten bad experiences for every good weekend and a hundred crazy zealots in this town for each bosom friend.

but, i have this nagging thought in the back of my mind that acts as a debbie downer/reality slap and tells me that while right now i'm anticipating the end of my time here, my last day in rexburg will be a day of mixed feelings.

that even while i'm driving away for the very last time and moving out for good, that drive will be a sad one.

that voice reminds me that ten years from now, i'll [partially]forget the pain and frustration and remember the good times i had and wish i could be back in those dorms, that lecture hall, or dumpster diving in the alley by ye olde great harvest.

and frankly, that voice terrifies me.

i don't want to leave this town feeling like i wasted my time or regretted not doing things that i have always wanted to do.

being a college student means constantly gaining wisdom and knowledge both in the classroom and outside of it.

from learning what an apse is to learning how to deal with difficult people, student life is spent in a classroom whether that's a lecture hall or your apartment.

although sometimes i feel like i've learned all i need to learn in the apartment-classroom of my life, i know that is not true.

there is always a lesson to be learned from every roommate, every difficult classmate, and each ward crush that i never did anything about.

i'm not saying these experiences will magically disappear after i leave rexburg, but they probably won't happen as frequently.

it's almost like college life is comparable to cramming for a tough test.

the lessons we learn in higher education will prepare us for experiences we'll have in "real life".

my art readings professor argued that post-grad life is not "real life" and that we need to be content with where we are in life and treat it like "real life".

although i agree with part of that statement, i would say that byu-idaho is not real life. it is the precious few years spent at home as a child before that daunting first day of kindergarten. except this time, i will emerge as a twenty-four year-old woman with confidence in her future instead of a five year-old girl with a death grip on her mom's hand. that fear i felt as a kindergartener will be replaced with relief and joy and excitement.

so, i guess what i'm trying to say in this rambling post is that i'm taking charge of my attitude this semester and enjoying and savoring all the things i probably won't get to do again after i leave this place for good.

--------------------------

[present day]

it has been forever since i last posted! my excuse is that my classes are kicking my butt and i'm spending my weekends playing as hard as i work.

this weekend was pretty incredible! it started with milkshakes and rock n roll at sammy's on friday. a couple bluesy-type bands played and at one point, i was given a tambourine to play for 30 seconds! it was pretty awesome and fulfilled a dream of mine.

saturday was spent doing homework all. day. long. but then i rewarded myself with a beyonce concert dvd viewing with lyndee and her roommate.

sunday was filled with church, apartment dinner, worst-date stories, she's the man, and a late-night trip to dennys.

today will be a homework day and a going to sleep very early day because i was up until 3:00am last night [PARTY ANIMAL]. lets just say i am very grateful for having no school today.

thanks, MLK!

all good things will be added unto you.

earlier today i was minding my own business, watching an episode of the cosby show [season 4 finale] on the road to idaho, when all of a sudden i was using every ounce of strength within me to stop the tears in my eyes from flowing over my lids onto my cheeks.

here's why:

at first, i was blaming the sudden emotions on my departure from my home and my family, but i know now that the reason why i was crying was because i felt the truthfulness of the lyrics in the very depths of my soul. seeing this performance comforted me and reminded me that if i put the Lord first, He will bless me. one of my new years resolutions for 2011 is to grow closer to Him and to truly get to know Him better and this was the perfect way to begin that journey.

doesn't phylicia rashad have the most beautiful, soulful voice?

i'm a little bit jealous.

which reminds me...

------

in other news...

-tomorrow i move into my new place. expect some photos in the near future.